Hello, about 3 months ago I quit smoking weed after about a year of usage. I smoked weed about every few days or so until about february when I was arrested for possession. I started to smoke heavily (like everyday, and a 2 grams or so a day) from about the start of march until july 6th. During that year I was also taking zoloft about 40 mg.
It has been about a week over 3 months now and I used to be really good in school, but now I can barely remember anything and have like constant lapses in remembering new things. I even have a somewhat more foggy memory of the past. It seems like it's worse, or maybe I notice it more. I am on different medications for depression and anxiety now along with the original 40mg. Risperidone and wellbutrin. I now feel completely depressed and hopeless, having to rely on my parents completely for everything, including remembering things or doing things. I have difficulty driving to some extent.
I know that everyone has different susceptibility to damage when it comes to drugs, and am wondering if there is any chance of memory coming back. I am rather pessimistic. I have trouble finding words at all now, when before I had a good vocabulary. I was in college, now I can barely even read. It's so hard, and I feel so hopeless. I haven't even gotten the chance to get out of my parents home. Now I am completely dependent on my father's income, and he is older, so is my mom. The future feels so bleak, and I want to die. Not because I feel particularly horrible, and I am less depressed on these medications, however my memory and cognitive functions are horrible. I can't even 'read' my own thoughts anymore. I am only 20 years old (started a few months after I turned 19). My whole life feels over and I don't know what to do. Everyone is saying don't give up, but my 3 months have just been constant issues with short term memory. I have virtually no friends anymore, and I feel too stupid to even interact with anyone.
I just wanted to know if there was any hope. What I could do to help myself. If 3 months wasn't that long, I don't feel the same at all. I am not hoping for a complete recovery, it seems I would have at least been somewhat better if I could recover that much at this point, but I was looking for hope. I want to die. We are poor and I don't know what to do anymore. I used to smart, and good in college. I should have stopped way before when my grades were dropping, but I didn't and now I swear I am worse than retarded. What's worse is that I can't seem to grasp new things.