Secret Smoker

[Unregistered]

Hi, Im a 26 year old mother and wife. I've finally decided that i need to quit my secret smoking habit. My husband doesnt even know. Its just me... well now all of you, too. Ive been smoking for about 4 years now. Before i had my daughter 2 years ago, my husband and I would smoke all of the time. Since then we have dramatically decreased our use. At first, anyway. He quit using completely about 5 months ago and thought that i did too. He was getting way paranoid and just wanted to abruptly stop. But I wasnt ready. At first, i kept promising to quit because i knew it wasnt something i wanted to keep doing, especially as my daughter got older. But i kept smoking again, and again. My husband was getting really upset and told me i needed to stop. I agreed with him.

After maybe a day... I couldnt think about anything else, i would conceive of ways to hide it from him and get another bag. And thats what i did. I would smoke when he wasnt home, and even would take it and use it at work. I was smoking everyday, sometimes multiple times a day. I eventually got so desperate that i would smoke while my husband was in the other room. He of course caught me one day and shit hit the fan. I broke down because at the time i was so relieved to not be hiding this from him anymore. As much as i loved smoking, it was killing me having to hide it from him. So i quit again...

After about another week, i smoked again. And i've been doing it since. My mind keeps finding ways to convince myself that its ok, and that if he doesnt catch me, whats the harm? I was craving it, i would think about it all day, and i was VERY irritable if it had been longer than a day since i smoked.

But i've had it. Im sick of how controlling it is over me! Im tired of feeling like a bad wife, a bad mom, a bad employee, and a bad friend. Im overweight, lazy, and boring. I have no hobbies, or interests. I slack off in everything i do. I actually have a hard time find joy in being high anymore! Im more paranoid, and i just feel quilty all of the time. Not to mention stupid... i hate short term memory loss. I feel like im just feeding a mental addiction now, and thats not how i want to live.

Ok, i've laid it all out there...scary.
Im doing this for me now. Im scared, but determined.

Any advice welcome!

[Unregistered]

Hi, Im a 26 year old mother and wife. I've finally decided that i need to quit my secret smoking habit. My husband doesnt even know. Its just me... well now all of you, too. Ive been smoking for about 4 years now. Before i had my daughter 2 years ago, my husband and I would smoke all of the time. Since then we have dramatically decreased our use. At first, anyway. He quit using completely about 5 months ago and thought that i did too. He was getting way paranoid and just wanted to abruptly stop. But I wasnt ready. At first, i kept promising to quit because i knew it wasnt something i wanted to keep doing, especially as my daughter got older. But i kept smoking again, and again. My husband was getting really upset and told me i needed to stop. I agreed with him.

After maybe a day... I couldnt think about anything else, i would conceive of ways to hide it from him and get another bag. And thats what i did. I would smoke when he wasnt home, and even would take it and use it at work. I was smoking everyday, sometimes multiple times a day. I eventually got so desperate that i would smoke while my husband was in the other room. He of course caught me one day and shit hit the fan. I broke down because at the time i was so relieved to not be hiding this from him anymore. As much as i loved smoking, it was killing me having to hide it from him. So i quit again...

After about another week, i smoked again. And i've been doing it since. My mind keeps finding ways to convince myself that its ok, and that if he doesnt catch me, whats the harm? I was craving it, i would think about it all day, and i was VERY irritable if it had been longer than a day since i smoked.

But i've had it. Im sick of how controlling it is over me! Im tired of feeling like a bad wife, a bad mom, a bad employee, and a bad friend. Im overweight, lazy, and boring. I have no hobbies, or interests. I slack off in everything i do. I actually have a hard time find joy in being high anymore! Im more paranoid, and i just feel quilty all of the time. Not to mention stupid... i hate short term memory loss. I feel like im just feeding a mental addiction now, and thats not how i want to live.



Ok, i've laid it all out there...scary.
Im doing this for me now. Im scared, but determined.

Any advice welcome!

I have been going through the same thing as you. It feels bad lying but the withdrawals make me unbearable to be around, so I smoke to not be so grumpy. PLus weed gives me motivation to clean and cook. When I quit I have no motivation. But this is my day one and I really want to quit this time. Sick of being a slave to the drug....it's always on my mind, and I find that I don't want to spend time with my husband anymore cause I would rather smoke

[Shockafter]

I also have the problem with conceiving ways to hide it from people. They are my parents, but its just like you visualize it in your head, and almost obsess over it. Maybe thats just me. The only thing I've found to get rid of the urges or sudden weed thoughts, is to just take a nap, or do something that completely concentrates your brain on something else (video games, a movie, puzzles etc...)

[SRP]

Did you smoke while you were pregnant? Not to make a judgement just want to know of any previous stopping/pauses in your smoking.

Your situation sounds like a good candidate for 5-htp or other supplement. If you feel like it's a mental addiction, check out some blended supplements. I'm not going to push a specific one, but there are several supplements out there that can help. Valerian Root and 5-HTP are known to help ease the uncomfortable bits of what you are feeling.

[BFB]

It’s interesting the secret smoker thing, I wonder how many people is normal to know that it is going on. I was always relatively open about that fact that I smoked but I imagine some people are very secretive about it.

All the best,