I am so tired of trying to stop smoking weed and failing. I had another go this month but my only friend (a stoner) wanted to get together and my own brother (live with him) is always offering it.
I know you cant get physically addicted...but my brain is all messed up I know it. Its like im only motivated to get high. I dont want anything else. Even when I abstain for months, I still feel like an addict. Like nothing could top that. I mean it feels like I cant even think straight unless im high.
On top of this, I am terrified of so many things. The withdrawal. Failing again. Being alone and bored. I have lost contact with so many friends and it feels like I cant repair those bridges.
Weed numbs me to all of this. And I know this is why I do it. I am so scared. Its like having a stool kicked out from under you. Without the weed to kill all the bad thoughts...I will have to face up to the mess I have go myself in (no friends, no partner)...and that is the scarriest thing of all.
I want to try giving up again...it just feels like im slowly losing hope