God evening everyone, first time poster so I'm gonna explain this as well as I possibly can, since I've been a nervous wreckn ive come here for peace of mind, and reduce the amount of stress, worry, fear and anxiety, that has been hitting me by having personnel opinions and facts from those who have gone through, and are going through what I am.
I would like to get this ball rolling by mentioning that I am 21yrs old, I have been smoking for 5 years. My smoking with in the first 3 years, from 16-19 was a very social smoke, it was pretty much every day, but shared between a group of us, from 19 onward was we're the pace picked up, it went from a 10 bag (and the occasional 8th) to a twenty bag almost every day.
Twenty bags would of been high grade, weighing at either 1.6g, or 1.8g, and consisting of either cheese or haze.
occasionally there would be sessions and I would go through more than half an ounce easy.
I spent my university years smoking a lot of weed and not doing work, this fuked up my education and almost got me kicked out of my first year. I have happily finished but only just. I wasn't content with the work that I put in despite the fact I recieved a B+ for getting a shit tonne of work done in 2 weeks before the end of the final uni year.
But yeah for the past 2years I ended up smoking more and more, and aswell on my own.
I have gone cold turkey now for two weeks, and 3 days.
Before I stopped I was contemplating a lot of things and the general direction in which my life is going in, being honest I wasn't happy therefore I drastically wanted change, for the better and to be the person I always in visioned.
The first day I properly quit was after a 2-3 day period of drastically cutting down. The wednesday was day one of going cold turkey, and I suffered the previous nights of panic attacks. I woke up the wednesday morning only to have an intense panic attack around half past 10am, which lasted 2 hours, I was then taken to A&E by my mum. There doctors did several tests to confirm nothing was physically Wrong with me.
With in these last 2 week I have been feeling very stressed out, and also feeling like I'm losing my mind because I feel unable to deal with what's been happening.
I have my days, where a few days I'll be fine, and the next I'll be feeling like shit.
What really took the biscuit for me was this morning, Friday - 4:10am I was woken up by the most horrible nightmare, to ****ed up for me to even explain.
I woke up so agitated I didn't I know what to do with myself. It was raining, perfect weather conditions for me to sleep in since I enjoy t sound f rain but yet I didn't sleep.
In sheer desperate ness I went into my parents room and woke my mum up, and I ended up having to be calmed down by her, my dad then went to sleep in my room where I had literally had to sleep beside my mum for peace of mind.
I woke up around half 11 only to feel tired, spaced out, odd, whatever you want to call it, and constantly recollecting the dream for the morning, I couldn't get it out of my mind and I felt awful. I tried to mediate and it failed. I felt scared that I was losing my mind, because this dream was so disgusting that it isn't who I am, I didn't want it to be who I am.
I have this knack of connecting things together for no reason and making myself feel a lot worse.
I am aware that I am only 2 weeks into this but I'm disliking every moment I feel like this, and what I remember lingers in the back of my mind and I just want it to leave.
I just don't want this to be a permenant thing, and every time I feel slightly better something has come back and slap me in the face and make me feel worse.
I would appreciate it you could also share some insight because I don't feel like myself, and Im not enjoying the fact that I don't feel like myself. I've also started taking 5-htp tablets for my seratonian, also I did I go out on the Monday and Saturday were ended up doing some MDMA since I don't drink alcohol.
A long side that I've been trying to put more excerise in m life and have noticed that I'm a little more physically fit than I was before, but due to the fact how my current mentally is, I have lost all motivation to really do anything especially in my music, which I'm planning to make my career.
I would much appreciate you lot giving me some advice, opinions or what not because this is by far the worst thing I've ever had to go through.