Weed and a long-term relationship

[Carl]

Hey guys,

I'm in Day 4 of quitting pot. I've been smoking every single day for years, only stopping when I had to go to work or when I ran out of money.

Anyway...I'm writing because I've been in a relationship for two years now, my longest on record. But I've spent all this time at least a little high, if not full-blown stoned. And here's the kicker: she doesn't really smoke. She'll toke up once in a while when I offer, but that part of her life has been over for many years.

I've been reading on here, and elsewhere, about the anxiety, depression, the sense of boredom and longing that comes with quitting, and I'm worried about that hurting my relationship. I haven't told her that I'm quitting. She's never confronted me about my smoking being a problem, so I'm almost embarrassed to tell her that, for me, it is. But what I'm most worried about is the unknown: will I be as fun or relaxed anymore? Since weed has been such a huge part of my identity, will giving it up change me too much for her? Will my definition of "being in love" change because I'm sober?



I'm really anxious about this. Has anyone else dealt with this situation? Any advice?

Thank you.

[noot]

I found myself in a similar situation - been with my hubs for 4 years, married for 2 and have a very long term weed problem. He knows I smoke but has no idea how much of a problem it is... I let him know when I was quitting though - but he doesn't think it is that big a deal for me. I've fallen off the wagon right now after about a month, but am hoping to get back on real soon. I did feel bored and restless but it didn't necessarily change anything about my relationship. I tried to be super careful about not being very irritable or cranky or lashing out at him in anyway. In fact, I tried to spend more time doing activities with him rather than on my own smoking - that helped actually. As bored and restless as I felt, it didn't really make me a super different person - which was a nice realization. The only thing is that I found myself watching less tv (which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it made it more difficult to hang out with the hubs when he wanted to watch tv - I'd get more bored with the show and go do something else). But so far, I don't think it's changed anything about my relationship. In some ways I feel MUCH better about it (felt much better... need to get back there again!) because I was no longer hiding/lying about it to my husband.. which always made me feel like an awful person who didn't deserve him. I"m still pretty much the same person, just not stoned and boring all the time. Hopefully you will find the same - good luck!