State of mind
I was thinking at something these days and wanting it to post, maybe it will help someone.
Withdrawals are not psychological as some people say, everything is purely physical. Anxiety is a physical symptom as it related to amygdala and many hormones in our body. The same with paranoia or cravings, these things you can read in scientific books.
The psyche follows the body but also the body can follow the psyche. Try increasing your heart rate to see how easy it is. Your brain controls everything and your conscience controls the rest of your brain. Your conscience is you.
I will further speak from my experience of going through withdrawals (at the moment of writing 99 days have passed and everything is mostly back to normal). I smoked very strong weed, but not for a very long time. It still got me.
The story was as same as with everybody, first weeks very bad, then it got better, a few moments worse and so on.
The shittiest part in this process was the mind. I was constantly fighting with the part of my brain that was telling me something is wrong with me and everything I go through is really bad, it can affect my life or it will last forever. That's probably a defense mechanism, the body wants THC to function as before.
I am not an optimistic and positive person, not by far. I'm full of cynicism, have views that are strange for most of the people, I worked as a volunteer in many places (fact that ****ed me up more), I'm a bit autistic due to my cynicism, overall I'm very negative and I don't see how someone living in this world could be positive and flower power all the way. I go from rational me to emotional me in a snap.
But, when I need or want to be positive, optimistic, when I love or when I'm happy I do it in extraordinary overwhelming excesses. I'm not emphatic in general, but when I do it with a person it reaches a whole new level.
I read and document myself a lot. For making a new food I have to read two days recipes to make sure it will turn out how I want. When I enlarge photos, I waste 15 papers for one print. I'm a perfectionist.
During all this, after first two-three weeks which were hell, I was walking from work to my home and started feeling like shit, again. I've became very anxious and paranoid that I'm broken forever, I started sweating and my heart went wild.
The next second I've said "NO, **** you withdrawal". I started ignoring all the physical signs and worked on my mind.
Part of me said "You're not ****ed up. All the studies and papers you've read are telling you plain and clear that MJ withdrawals are not life threatening. You are complaining too much, try some heroin addiction to have a reason."
The other part replied: "But maybe you will remain with this forever. Like a scar".
"That is incredibly stupid. Even scars can be fixed by laser but more, here we're talking about the brain. Neuroplasticity or how the old ones were saying, this too shall pass. Remember about the kid that had half of his brain and now it's functioning almost normal? Beat that."
I was near a pedestrian crossing, pressed the button and I was waiting for the green light.
"Think about this, maybe you get paranoid in this moment and start running in front of the car. Maybe this will affect your life before it goes away in an irreversible way."
"That's again stupid. People from outside don't even notice. I do my work as good as before, I live as before, how is it affecting my life? More time sober maybe!"
And the talk between emotional me and rational me went on, until I've reached my street. It was so quiet and the house I live it looked so nice, the car was clean in front of the house and I know that my future wife is waiting me up loving me now as much as she loved me four years ago. I realized that complaining about weed withdrawals is really hypocrite. Yes, it's bad and annoying. But by comparison with other people suffering, it does not stand a chance.
So I've said:
"**** you. No go."
And from that day, it slowly went away and anxiety meant to me only increased pulse, hand sweating and maybe some dizziness, but nothing more. I can be happy while being anxious.
I know that above story is cheesy and full of cliches, but trust me, beat part of this with your mind. It's not enough reading that it will pass, you have to know it deep inside you.
Now I have some problems only with sleep. If I could control my mind while sleeping, by now this would have been history.
Part of me was right with one aspect. This changes part of your life. It's an extraordinary exercise of will, power and introspection. I would recommend it to friends
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