Im a 15 year daily user of cannabis. I'm the type who woke up, smoked... An hour later smoked some more... And so on. All day long. I work from home as my own boss and this is a huge part of why my addiction has gotten so out of hand. I can light up anytime. I'm a former harder drug addict and have gone through support groups before that got me clean of those drugs 10 years ago. So that's why I am here... It worked once being in a support group, I'm sure having some like minded positive people to talk to can help me again.
That all being said... I have been off the MJ for 4 days and I'm losing my mind. My wife does not understand, as she isn't an addict and can stop and start easily without issue. Not the case with me... Not sure if it's because I have been chemically dependant before and simply switched chemicals or what... But I'm feeling very similar to the way I felt coming off the much harder drugs. I'm sick to my stomach, body aches, hot flashes, not sleeping, not eating, irritable, depressed, and closing myself off from the people I love. I just don't like them seeing me like this all over again. It's embarrassing, especially since none of them have a clue about what this feels like. I try explaining and they think I'm exaggerating the symptoms. I am not. It has been a rough 4 days so far and I find myself with phone in hand ready to call my guy at any moment. I have some motivation though keeping me from doing so. My son. He's 2 years old and beginning to get to a point where he is going to start noticing things... Since he was born i have talked and talked about quiting and have failed myself everytime. I never make it past a week. My reclusiveness has become really bad over the past 5 or 6 years and I'm having a hard time communicating with the people close to me. Well close in the past I guess, I'm not that close to anyone right now including my wife. Our marriage is in jeopardy and it's because I'm emotionally shut off. If I do choose to open my mouth about how I feel it comes out fragmented and angry sometimes. I lash out for no real reason. I just get so frustrated so fast that I lose control.
This is not me... Well it's not the person I was before drugs. I have always been a soft spoken and polite individual. A peace lover and the person in my group of friends that they could come talk to about anything. Not anymore... Im so cynical and negative. I get wound up so easily now its frightening. I just want to succeed this time and prove to myself that I can leave this all behind and begin to live my life again. I need this.
So there it is... All laid out on the table. I needed to vent... I need people who understand what I'm going through and to help me keep my eye on the ball. Thanks guys for creating this forum. I have been reading posts all day and it's really inspiring. I can only hope to be one of those inspiring people soon. Thanks for creating this safe place for me to come and talk.