Ok so i will try and explain my situation to the best of my ability. so when i first tried marijuana i was 15 in the 8Th grade and i liked and did about 4 or 5 times that year and eventually stopped but then in the 9th grade i got back into and started doing it mostly every weekend during school then summer came around and i decided to stop i wasn't really suffering from any withdrawls. then during my first year of high school i started smoking again towards the end of the year and continued to do it as a daily thing throughout the summer. then at the end of the summer i had to stop cause the friends i did it with got in trouble. the withdrawals from when i stopped were mainly just insomnia for a couple of weeks but i got over it but then junior year came around and this is where it got bad.
first semester of junior year was great i was having lots of fun had good friends and overall just a good time. But i still had friends who still smoked and after first semester i got into weed again and it became a daily thing untill throughout the school year and into this summer ( i will be 18 and a senior this year ).
well recently i had a good friend get into a motorcycle accident and it was and still is serious he was life lighted and they put im into a sedative coma i believe. of course i started to worry but then i heard good news that all his limbs were responsive he just still has brain swelling and broke 2 vertebrata in his back he will be in the hospital for a good month but will eventually return to school. ( i still continued to smoke even with this going on) then a week later i went on vavation for 3 days with my family to bear lake, Utah and i had a blast i didn't smoke and didn't have the urge to the only things i was seeing was a loss in appetite. then the first day i got home i went and hung out and of course smoked. later that night my friends wanted to do something stupid they wanted to go light a recycling bin on fire and see what would happen. i thought this was a dumb idea and got a bad feeling and left before they did this. well it exploded and i heard from a few blocks away there were fire trucks and cops everywhere i guess. and as soon as i heard it started freaking out getting terrible anxiety and thinking i was going to get in trouble for this although i didn't do anything, well turns out my friends got caught and are in big trouble of course. the next day i still had a little anxiety then a sheriff came to my house and i freaked but i talked to him and he said i wasn't in trouble but he still had to talk cause i was with them. this relieved me.
then the same day some friends ( who smoke alot ) called me and wanted to hang out well i didn't want to i just wanted to relax and not smoke and just stay home. well turns out they got caught with marijuana by the police, this scared me cause i kept thinking it could of been me. after this i told myself i will never smoke again. and to do this i am distancing my self from the people who do but its tuff cause they are my friends who i have known since elementary. well its been 5 days and each day i have been getting severe ANXIETY i keep thinking i am going crazy and how this might lead to depression ( my dad suffered from depression and eventually led to his suicide but i hadn't lived with him for many years and i was very young when my parents got a divorce so it didn't effect me like most people because he wasnt a good husband or father but at the same time he was still my dad) and how i could become dependent and addicted to the medication and i just worry about everything and these will last several hours. i eventually told my mom (which has been a huge help) and i now have a doctors appointment for this thursday. so i want to know is this normal, am i going crazy!, will i be stuck like this forever!, am i going to be mentally ill from here on out! with this anxiety i have no appetite but i eat the 3 meals a day forcing it down. i have tried hanging out with good friend but i would get this anxiety out of no where and have to go home. so are they symptoms normal if so how long will they last. and is going to the doctor the right thing cause i am terrified of needles (always have been) and am scared of the medication i could be put on. and by the way the only other drug i have tried besides marijuana was psychedelic mushrooms i did them about 1 month ago they scared me half to death and i got anxiety on them and i never want to touch that stuff again cause it was scary and the anxiety i got i had never felt before until recently.
this is long i know but talking about this really seems to help, my age is 17 turning 18 in December. thanks for any help that is given. i am just freaking out and terrified!!