Hey! I'm new here, and not sure of what I need to do. I am 44, and a mum, wife, professional, blah blah blah. I am pretty well adjusted, and don't have much to complain about, but my life could be so much moe, you know?
I have been a daily or almost daily smoker for over 20 years. I have lived most of my days in a functoning pot stone. I work shift work, and if I am off, I smoke in the morning, through the day, and despite my best intentions to cut back, moderate, etc, I have failed each time...I have managed to quit for 3 - 6 months, but only because I moved to a new city and had no dealer!
I love to smoke. I dont drink, and dont smoke cigs, and have always seen pot as "my beer" after work...but it's having detrimental effects on my memory, my sharpness, my social activities, and my wallet.
But why do I have days where I just want to be clean, despite smoking a pipe at the same time, and then other days (like today), where I have to work, and am waiting until I can punch out and go home and have a smoke?
I don't condemn anyone that smokes pot. It has helped me any many people I know get through pain, difficult times, nausea, chemo, etc. And I have often seen pot to be beneficial over pharmaceuticals, but it's not good for me anymore, and it's time to stop.
My husband smokes, only because of me, and he's a daily habit now too...I feel so responsible, and I think that if he decided to quit, he would (like how he quit cigs), but I have to be prepared to quit with it still in the house. I won't ask someone else to stop because I need to. Life is full of temptations...
and we dont smoke in the house, but it's still something "secret", you know?
Anyway, pot has been such a part of my everyday life for half of it, part of the freaky underground culture I became part of as a young woman, part of the Deadhead scene I was into, and it was always cool, and fun to smoke a joint and just go about my day, but now I'm just like an old lady who can't stop, despite the littel wheeze in my chest, the stink, and my lousy short term memory. Not so cool anymore.
So I come here for help, words of wisdom, and a possible plan to get it out of my life...