I'm at the end of Day 5 - hasn't been terrible so far but right now I just feel irritable and uneasy. Everything that comes out of my mouth sounds kind of cranky. It's subtle though - it's not like I'm climbing the walls, it's just that right now I find everything annoying! We are going on vacation in a few weeks and a friend just posted on my facebook page about how the area is about to be hit by a hurricane. When I responded that we still had a few weeks to go, she answered "hahaha there will be others behind it". That REALLY pissed me off, although knowing that friend, she is not trying to be nasty, she is just socially awkward sometimes and I know she is going through a hard time right now herself. We have hurricane insurance anyways (I'm not an idiot) and I responded with something neutral but it just kept digging at me that she would go out of her way to be negative so then I just deleted her post. I"m just dwelling on sh*t like that and getting more and more irritated.
This evening, my husband and I were watching a movie and he kept on pausing it to add his commentary which I found irritating. Why can't he just watch the damn movie without stopping to wonder what people were eating in Victorian England??? Why is he so *&^*%&^ fascinated by England??? Why can't he just have pride in our own culture instead of the culture that once dominated and oppressed our people???? It really makes me sick sometimes (no offense to anyone from England).
And we have to go to counseling tomorrow - that is the thing I am MOST irritated about. We are in "marriage counseling" because HIS family is dysfunctional and he never learned to deal with it. I am sick of having to spend hours and hours in therapy because my 42 year old husband never learned to deal with his Cluster B F*ck mommy. Now that he has FINALLY woken up to the problem, why can't he deal with this on his own?? Why marriage counseling and not individual "mama's boy" counseling?? ARGH! Hopefully I can get over this irritation before we go to counseling - we are wasting enough time and $ dealing with the issues of my stupid in-laws, I'd rather not bring this kind of stuff into it as well. The mental health profession is a capitalist business like any other and she will just keep spinning it out as long as she can - they will jump on every little thing that they can. JUST DEAL WITH YOUR ^%(#%* MOTHER ALREADY DUMMY!!!
And don't even get me started on how annoying this cordless mouse and keyboard are starting to become &^%%&&*&^%%(%)^)^&(&^%%(*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY CAPS LOCK IS STUCK aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrgh!!!!!!!!!
okay, I feel a little better (and I fixed the caps lock). I hate being cranky like this. This isn't me - okay, it IS sort of how I can be sometimes but usually not so unreasonably. Usually I can talk myself down from these kinds of things. And smoking right now would not REALLY change anything. And if I smoked right now, I"d be back to square one and now that I've gotten through the weekend and the last day of the detox diet plan I was following, I really don't want that. This week will hopefully be better and then by next weekend I will be almost at two weeks. It's SOOOOOO not worth throwing away the effort I have made this week just for the sake of a few puffs. I know they would feel really good right now because my system is cleared out but IT WON'T LAST. Not going to do it. Not worth it. Deep breaths instead...