I knew when I met my partner, 8 years ago, that he smoked solid. I never let him smoke it in the house as I already had 2 young children from a previous marriage. That was fine, it was a couple of joints outside per night. It was never a problem and almost 3 yrs ago we got married when our own child was a year and a half old. I had conversations when I was pregnant and he said that he expected that he would give it up when baby was born. She is now off to school in September and he is in his mid forties and the smoking has really stepped up. I keep nagging that I can smell the weed, yes, he has progressed to the strongest form and he says he will stop smoking in the house....Problem is, I am scared of his temper but I know that I must do right by my kids. If I can smell it strongly then my kids must be breathing it in. I want him gone but I am so scared of him and that makes me feel like the worst Mother in the world - they have always come first and I shouldn't feel scared of confronting something that I know is wrong.
He has been physically abusive but not majorly in the past but has really has an effect on my self-confidence to the point where I feel unable to do things that were normal in the past and I am edgy the whole time in my life now. Unfortunately, I am drinking a fair amount in the evening just to calm myself and although I am trying to keep this away from the kids, they are living in a family where Mum does everything and Dad comes in from work as early as he can get away with and retreats to the bedroom where he either sleeps or smokes weed.
I can't do this anymore, as a Mother it's so wrong and I need to be strong.....
Please - If anyone can help me leave this marriage I need to know how.