Today is day 14, I don't really have the urge to smoke but i'm struggling with my withdrawls. My depression, anxiety and irritiability have been ****ing with my head latley, causing my view of the world and how I react to things to be different.
Like I havn't been hanging out with my friends latley, I have no desire to really. I'm also really, really short with my familly. My little brother is like a better version of myself; a me without any my stupid issues.
I envy him, and sometimes he can be a little punk ass and really disrespectful (he's 18, go figure), so he can piss me off somtimes.... I finally lost it though the other day and felt I had to put im in his place. I grabbed him, pushed him, and hit him in the side of the face. Not full force, but fist closed. My mom broke it up and he didn't fight back. I felt horrible immediatly after and apologized. We're good now, but I feel he respects me less because of my lack of control.
I'm even short with my new puppy too. When she doesn't listen and i'm in a bad mood I lose it and get rough with her, which only makes her not trust me and rebel even more.
I feel very, very unstable, and at the end of almost everyday you can find me in the kitchen cramming food down my throat to fill that "empty" feeling that nothing else but weed or sugar would fill.
To be clear I will not lay another hand on my brother or dog again without good reason, but i can't help being really cranky some days. Also sometimes random life-****ups from my past will resurface, like the other day I though about how I didn't go to my childhood friend's dad's funeral and started crying on the way to work.
I just feel really, really crappy and don't know what to do besides gulp up sweets. I exercise plenty, eat healthy and try to sleep enough. I also work and try and stay occupied, but at the end of the day I feel "empty."
I feel like I'm just replacing weed for sugar and it's prolonging my withdrawls and making things worse. Any tips for gaining some ****ing self control???
I almost want to smoke again for the sake of those around me, but I dont want to start all over again...