Hey you guys. I have been smoking pot now for about 12 years, and 8 of those years have been daily use. I usually smoked 1-2 grams a day, and on days I didn't have anything to do, I would smoke weed all day long & all night long. In the recent years I have made numerous attempts to quit. 60 days was the longest and that was at the start of this year. Then after those 60 days, for some reason, I thought hey I can smoke weed- I am not addicted anymore. I called one of my buddies got my old dealers number and went and bought a quarter of high grade weed. Then I fell into my old shitty stoner ways. The sneaking around, the hours wasted doing nothing, all the cash went to buy a ****ing plant. Fast forward to the start of June, and my dealer went on probation ( I thought to myself I would not buy from a guy who the cops are watching, and that was my catalyst to stop.)
I really love smoking weed, but I am losing myself. I have no motivation when I am on the stuff. It makes me a ****ing retard, but still when I see it, its a deep need to be stoned for me, because its the only thing that I have ever been committed to. The stoner culture. But right now I am fed up with it, I am fed up with the person I am. Today is day 3 since I have had no weed. I feel tired, cranky, and depressed. I have been reading self-help forums for a few years trying to build up the courage to get rid of the devil lettuce, and each quit I have failed. This time its going to be different. Instead of giving in the voice in my head saying why aren't I smoking, I am saying no. Well that is my story, and I really appreciate any feedback. Thanks again, and have a beautiful day.