I want my life back

[Nathan]

Hi, Really glad i found this site, it's made me realise i'm not alone. I'm 38 and have been smoking everyday since 1997. I haven't smoked for 3 days and to be honest, I had no idea that there would be physical as well as emotional withdrawl symptoms.

Got the sweats, no appetite, sickness and headaches. Cheech and Chong never highlighted this did they? (Or maybe they did and i was just to caned to take any notice!)

Anyhoo, the main reason i decided to quit was because I was due to marry my girlfriend in July, this now won't be happening as I walked out of my job 2 weeks ago (hadn't had a joint on the way to work and threw a strop) and basically I've smoked all the money we've ever had. She is being so supportive and I can't put her through this anymore. Having to call our parents to tell them the wedding's off and make up some bullshite as to why we can't afford it; "Oh, there's a recession..." or " I got made redundant..." This has made me look in the mirror and be honest with myself.

So, 3 days in and i feel awful, although I am really happy that I've finally noticed the 'elephant in the room'. I realise that I do have a problem and I want to solve it.

Going to tackle some long-overdue DIY in the house today to keep myself occupied and I may even treat myself to a quiet pint at lunchtime (Although,I will not be replacing one crutch with another!) and have dinner ready when g/f comes home from work. That's the plan, I am determined to stick to it.

Even writing this has made me feel happy, just getting it out of my head seems to strengthen my resolve.

Anyway, enough wallowing in self-pity, Good luck to all who are trying.

[robinl555]

Welcome Nathan,
There is light at the end of this tunnel.. Keep up the good work!!!

[NotMyRealName]

Hi Nathan,

firstly, you can still marry your girlfriend - it costs hardly anything. It's only the big, BIG party that society demands afterwards that costs a lot. If your girlfriend is really supportive during this difficult time (as you say), then she sounds like one not to throw away. Marriage isn't about the party, it's about the relationship. Peronally, I'm divorced (thank your choice of deity!), and toward the end I pointed out to my wife that she spent far more time and emotional energy stressing about the colour of the bottles of mineral water she wanted on the tables for guests than she ever did about the actual relationship, or the meaning of marriage. Sadly, she actually agreed with this.

So, if you think she is the one for you, then marry her on the cheap. You may regret not doing so for the rest of your life. A good woman is, as I think it says in the bible, worth rubies.

As for the quitting/withdrawal stuff - it is even harder than you can imagine. Not necessarily the initial withdrawal, etc, but the staying clean long term. But if you are determined you will be able to do it. Even if you slip up once or twice, learn from your mistakes. Read lots on this site, and learn from others' experiences - it will be something to do when you just can't sleep.

Personally, I found that a bit of alcohol, if, as you say, is just not being a replacement addiction, sure helps take the edge off things initially. You seem to be on the right track by trying to keep busy, and this is probably the most important thing for long-term success - remember this when the "I just couldn't be bothered, I feel so tired" kicks in.

All the best, keep reading, and keep posting.

[Nathan]

Cheers fella! Onwards and upwards eh?!

[Nathan]

Had two seperate calls from dealers yesterday, what a surprise, they both have "quality gear..."! (they never call and tell you they have shit weed do they?!) I was able to turn it down and what's more I was really happy doing it. So, day 4 and counting..! Managed to get my DIY done yesterday and even made a tablecloth! (Don't ask...i have no idea!) Was having a bit of a wobble around lunchtime so wandered down to the boozer, met a friend who needed some help on a photoshoot (used to be a snapper myself but yup, sold my cameras for weed years ago) and really enjoyed it. So I am determined to get another camera and get back into it.

I feel like I'm rushing things, keep planning things to do once I'm not shackled to the green anymore and i know if i have a relapse then these could go out the window. So I suppose I'd better not relapse then!

Reading other peoples experiences here makes me realise how lucky i am, i have a fantastic g/f who has been so supportive and even says she's proud of me!!! (been a while since anyone's said that). My smoker friends have not tried to tempt me and one of them has even expressed a desire to quit themselves, well their exact words were: " if you can do it, then i'm damn sure i could!"

Might mow the lawn later if the rain holds off (rock n' roll eh?)

[torn]

Hey Nathan
I hope you're still in
I'm in 70 days now and it's still so ****ing hard.
Remember, if you want to get somewhere you've never been, you got to do something you've never done.
I'm telling this myself everyday when I 'm about to give up -staying clean it's an everyday struggle, and seems to be lifelong.

Be strong.

[Nathan]

cheers torn! Yup, i'm still in! Been 2 weeks since i've had any weed and it seems a bit easier everday. I bought an eighth last week and left it in a drawer, this was probably a stupid thing to do but i've found that it's made me even more determined to stick at it. My big fear was snapping and not being able to get any, so having it in the next room is almost like a safety net.
People are noticing a change in my 'personality' in that, i now have one! I'm enjoying being around people again, being able to have conversations that don't revolve around drugs and not constantly thinking about how much gear i've got to get me through the night and if i'll have to go and score tomorrow.
I've shocked myself at actually having some will-power, so hopefully i can apply it to the other bits of my life!

torn, 70 days is fantastic! Stick with it fella and keep us posted on your progress.

as always, good luck to all those trying!

[DLL]

Congratulations Nathan!! How are you doing now? Still smoke free?

[Nathan]

Cheers DDL! Yup, still going! 3 weeks yesterday, this was the goal i'd given myself to see if i could actually go through with this. I had a vague idea that i would 'treat' myself to a spliff after 3 weeks but when it came to it, I didn't want to risk opening the floodgates again and letting my girlfriend down. Although I am a bit concerned that I'm now keeping off the weed for the sake of my missus and not so much for myself.
I reckon I could have the odd smoke every now and then but deep down, I know it will be a mistake.

So it turns out that the psychological side of this is going to be the hardest part for me.

One day at a time I suppose!

[DLL]

Congrats again, Nathan! 3 weeks is great! Yes... take it one day at a time. Sometimes one minute at a time