Week 3 - Hardest so far, Alcohol and other thoughts

[Davison]

Hi Guys, thanks for this site, its great. Just wanted to say I am a 20 year daily smoker who decided to quit for health reasons (the smoking is killing my lungs!).

I am at week 3 and today was the worst, most depressed I have been for a very very long time maybe in years. I think I am generally prone to depression (with or without weed withdrawal) but the weed always helped, it removed me from my depression, made me relax and not see the world in such a dark way.

I was really hoping at week 3 that I would gain a new vigor for life and become motivated and inspired by the world, but that just isn't happening, I am in every way more agitated, annoyed and unhappy - everyday I am reminded why I smoke, I am starting to think at this point that I should just light up, because I know I can alievate this depression in one hit.

>So I have started drinking wine - and I don't drink at all, never have, always been a smoker - I am just drinking to get out of my head a little bit, to be honest its not working its just making me feel shitty.

I guess I/we all need to understand that the WEED IS NOT THE PROBLEM - the problem lies within us, our need to escape and occupy that dreamlike state weed provides is more about how we relate to the world around us than anything else. Same with any addict really, the alcohol isn't bad in itself but in the hands of an alcoholic its destructive, but its the compulsions and needs of the addict not the drug that are to blame.

I have always been an outsider, never been one to follow the masses, trends, most people in this world are sheep or zombies, programmed to act how society, law, the government requires, we are force fed false information about the world, particularly here in America, we are dumbed down, poisoned (in our food and water) and lied to.

so hey f*** it why not smoke? I am struggling to think of reasons not to at the minute.

sorry for the rant - this is whats going on in my head right now.

[Unregistered]

You need to get out and do something to take your mind off it. When I quit smoking tobacco I told myself that there were people who got high on life and didn't need any aids and I was going to be as good as them and I haven't smoked anything now since 1997. You won't feel this bad all the time and eventually not at all, but if you stop trying, you will feel worse, then you'll have to start at the beginning again, so don't waste the three weeks you have already done.

[Distantshores]

You are having a hard time finding reasons not to smoke because of the addictive personality, I am the same way, that's how it works, your mind cannot be trusted, when the cravings hit it seems like the best idea in the world to go pick up, I tell myself that I blew things out of proportion in the past, and that it wasn't that bad. In your case you are thinking that the world is a tough place, the government lies to us, additives in our food will kill us, it's all going down the drain so why not go out with a bang? Why not smoke, if not that then something else will get you, at least that's how I interpreted your post... But you are being deceived, that's the addiction in you trying to get you back, the exact same thought process exists in me and I'm sure most people here can recognize that as well.

You have to take good care of yourself or the cravings will hit a lot harder. Eat plenty of healthy food, don't let yourself get hungry, go for walks, go to bed early, get plenty of sleep and do not drink, get rid of that wine, when I was quitting I started to drink and soon found myself replacing pot with alcohol, I started to make the same excuses, had the same lack of control, you cannot use any drugs or alcohol while trying to quit, because there is a very good chance that you could fall into cross addiction and end up back at pot again, it's happened to me many times in the past.

[NotMyRealName]

Yeah, I totally agree about the alcohol, and getting a cross addiction. I've fallen for that in the past (but I'm learning all the time), and ended up drinking a lot, spending about as much on alcohol as I did on marijuana, feeling like total crap in the morning, and eventally saying to myself - "My life is just as bad, as if not worse, than when I smoked - why not just go back to smoking?"

This time round I'm using alcohol responsibly - a (big) bottle of beer at the end of a day at work, perhaps. I feel much better about myself this time around.

[Davison]

Yea Distant man I feel you, its easy to find reasons to blaze up, but we are all responsible for our own space, i feel much better today, yesterday I was on some dark sh*t, I hate those mood swings I was in a little bit of a funk today as well but did my best to shake it off, the girl I work with really helped, she did all she could to cheer me up even swung her boobs at me at one point lol.

How long are you clean Distant? I know we are all different but damn I have started week 4 as of today and thought this would be getting easier not harder.

[Distantshores]

Right now I'm only on day 3 after a brief relapse, I've done really well this summer, I did an eight week stretch back in June and July, with the occasional relapse here and there, but I am getting back on the right path much faster than I have in previous years. Usually when I try to quit it's during the summer, and I can usually go seven to twelve weeks, then for some reason when autumn starts to set in I hit a major wall and end up relapsing, for the past two years I have had terrible winters full of depression, my goal is to stay clean all fall and winter and see how things work out this year, winter used to be my favorite season and I would like to have that back.

I've quit for twelve weeks before, and aside from that I've had several eight week streaks as well, so I have become pretty familiar with how I am on and off marijuana. When I use I will be alright for a while... but eventually I get anxiety, depression, paranoia and insomnia, I feel like I'm going insane and losing my grip on reality, it's not a good feeling at all and that's when I decide to quit. In a week or two I'm back to normal again and I have NEVER experienced any of those symptoms when clean for more than a few weeks. Four weeks seems like kind of a long time, but you did smoke daily for twenty years and everyone is different, I am pretty confident that you will bounce back eventually, but you also need to take care of yourself. Sleep, eat and exercise right, if you neglect those things you will slip, they are so important, if I am really drained, maybe if I haven't eaten for the whole day and the cravings come back, I go and have a really good meal, lots of fruits and veggies, whole grains, and by the time I'm done I feel better, that stuff does matter.