my relapse story
After over 2 months of staying away from weed I relapsed last night unintentionally. There have been many times that I thought about relapse and I always figured that if it would happen it would be because I talked myself into it. But this totally came out of nowhere. I was with a friend last night that smoked some of that synthetic marijuana and I decided to take a couple hits. During the past 2 months I have used the synthetic stuff once in a while but never caved in with actual weed. Well, when I got back home last night I was sitting around watching tv and had the urge to smoke more. I got out my bag of paraphernalia thinking I would scrape a bowl that was used to smoke the synthetic. Instead I saw my old hitterbox and tapped it out. To my surprise a good amount of weed fell out of it. Without even thinking I loaded it into my bowl and smoked away. I immediately regretted my actions. One of my major motivational factors for quitting weed is that I am looking for a job. I turned in an application last week for a job I really want that I know requires a drug test for employment. I am now totally paranoid that I will be getting a call for an interview and that if I make it through to the drug test portion I will fail and be sooo mad at myself. I can't believe I would put myself in that situation. I have spent the whole day thinking about what happened and feeling miserable. Was it worth it? Absolutely not. I basically gave up a chance at a good job for 30 minutes of being high. And it wasn't even a good time. I was by myself and thinking about how it was a bad idea the entire time I was stoned. Ugh. I guess its back to day 1 for me
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