23 Years of Bliss Now I have Quit Cannabis and it Hurts Like Hell

[PrincessMollie]

I have been a cannabis smoker since I was 17. For the past 18 years I have smoked it almost every day.

It has been my sticking plaster through a 13 year relationship with a violent alcoholic, if I could smoke a spliff it didn't matter how much he beat me. It has soothed me through losing my son with meningitis 20 years ago. It has helped me through my severe social phobia (you will say it exacerbated my social phobia, but honestly it calmed me). It helped me through 9 years of bad health. More recently it has helped me cope with my beautiful granddaughters fight with cancer. She is 1 year old and faces most of the year in hospital.

Now my partner of 5 years has decided weed does not suit him, he feels his memory is shot and the paranoia stinks. It led to an ultimatum, him or the weed.

I have been without my anti-depressant for nearly 3 weeks and it is now that I feel extremely paranoid, my concentration has left, I can't stop the munchies. The colour has gone out of everything, I am tearful almost all day every day, I am bored, sex doesn't seem as good. I want a spliff big time.

I feel giving up was not my choice and can't believe it will be great in the long term. I hate booze with a vengeance (I am one of those people it just doesn't suit genetically).

My question is: should I continue to smoke it or suffer until one day I may see the sunshine again? Will I really feel better as a sober person forever? I am jealous of people who are happy with a glass of wine or a cold can of lager.

I feel like I am going insane, the only thing that fills my mind is the memory of cannabis and the need for it. Please is there anyone who can advise.

Thank you in advance.

[BFB]

Hi Princess Mollie and welcome to the forum,

First of all can I just say how sorry I am to hear about what you have been through and are continuing to go through it sounds absolutely awful, it sounds like you have had and still have an awful lot to deal with. So will quitting cannabis make things any better? Well to be honest as I am sure you have already found you will come across especially on the internet people who say cannabis will help with things like your anxiety and depression and people who will say it will only make them worse, there’s people out there who report saying they help these things and people like myself and many others here (due to the fact we are a forum for people who are experiencing problems from using cannabis) who say they made them a heck of a lot worse. It’s a debate that will probably rage on until the cows come home, I myself personally seriously question the long term benefit marijuana has on conditions like anxiety and depression, anxiety especially in fact, there seems to be an awful lot of people reporting that the weed they are smoking these days, which bear in mind on average is much higher in THC which in known to causes anxiety and much lower in CBD’s which are known to calm it, that’s why modern day weed is probably causing more anxiety than the stuff we used to smoke did, but like I say an awful lot of people are reporting these days that it can make them very anxious and paranoid, one programme I watched recently was very good at documenting how this can work and was filming the experiences of people who were using it for the purposes of the experiment, it explained how the drug was causing them to fixate on certain things, over analyse and see meaning where there wasn’t necessarily any, which can lead to paranoia and anxiety. I and many others have experienced this, there’s a reason modern day marijuana is getting such a reputation for causing this, even if people find it has helped them in the past there often comes the point where it starts to do far more harm than good in this area, like I say I personally and many others do indeed seriously question how good a drug marijuana is for things like anxiety and depression in the long term. However at the end of the day and this is something I always say in regards to anything to do with the use of marijuana it all depends on how you are reacting to it, people can experience anxiety and depression as a result of using weed you only have to read some of the other posts here to see that and even if it isn’t always the root cause it can often exacerbate them and make them a whole lot worse, people can experience it having that effect, but that’s not to say that’s the effect it is necessarily going to have on everyone, if some people feel that it genuinely helps with such things then fine, who am I to say to say otherwise, it’s no fairer me dismissing what they report their experience to be with it than it is for them to dismiss mine, as I am always saying it’s the sort of drug that we can all react to very differently.

So with this in mind the only way you are going to tell if your anxiety and depression is any better without it is to try it and see, but bear in mind that although the use of marijuana can cause anxiety and depression so can the withdrawal or discontinuation of it, in some cases in the short term this may well be even worse, there’s a good chance this is what you are experiencing right now, you have to bear in mind that this is just part of your brain readjusting to discontinuing it, it’s perfectly common for many to have a really rough patch for a good number of weeks or even months after they quit, remember you have been using it for a very long period of time, anxiety and depression are a very common withdrawal symptom from quitting marijuana, but life without it isn’t always necessarily going to be like this, if a lot of your anxiety and depression is from quitting then this is something that will pass, people don’t experience these kind of withdrawal symptoms forever, life without marijuana may well be a lot better for you in the long term, but you may have to wait a while in order to give this chance to happen. Unfortunately the amount of time it takes for these things to pass can be different for everyone, it can depend on how long and heavily you have been using for as well as perhaps even your genetic predisposition for getting addicted to it, this is something that can vary significantly from person to person, some people do experience a neurological addiction which has some significant effects on the brain/body, much more than of you gave up a psychological addiction like gambling or shopping, if you read some of the other experiences here you will see that many people do indeed have a pretty tough time, needless to say if you weren’t hooked you probably wouldn’t be having such a tough time either, but like I say all the withdrawal symptoms you experience from quitting will pass given time, it’s only then that you are able to properly evaluate how life truly is without it, it can take a little time for your body to adjust and to give life without smoking dope a fair chance.

A lot of stoners resent drinkers I know I did, I thought we were so much better, but it wasn’t until I quit that I realised that perhaps we weren’t quite as different as I once thought, if you do the American psychological associations test for addiction it’s amazing how similar the behaviour of addiction is for all drugs. I would advise you taking the test and see how you score, the link is in my signature.

The other thing I would say is that to be honest from what I have seen giving up any habit or addiction rarely works unless the person themselves truly wants to quit, I think you have genuinely got to want it for yourself in order to be able to do it, if you are only been forced into it by somebody else I think your chances are seriously diminished. Perhaps it may help to have a real good think about what it is you want out of life in the long term, remember most addicts are very good at rationalising and justifying their habit, that’s just a classic trait of addiction, try taking the addiction test and see if it changes your perspective of how you see your drug use.

Anyway that’s all I can think of advising for now, I hope it has been of some help, at the end of the day it’s something that in my opinion has to be your decision, please don’t take this as me trying to tell you what to do, like I say it’s just what I would advise to someone in your situation, but it is your right to decide what it is you want for your life and only you who can decide, the other thing I would also like to say just before I wrap this post up which I know is probably already way too long (my apologies), but it’s sounds like you have been through absolute hell, you really do have my deepest sympathy, but perhaps you may want to look into some other kind of way of dealing with the pain of what you have experienced, maybe even some sort of counselling, drug use is often a way of self medicating for some kind of emotion pain, but it doesn’t really solve the underlying root cause, it is indeed just a sticking plaster, a short term anaesthetic which soon wears of and leaves us having to take more and more, if there was some way of solving the underlying problems this would indeed be a much more permanent and effective solution, so like I say perhaps that’s something you may want to think about some more, perhaps it may be beneficial to even seek some kind of professional help.

Anyway that really is all I can think of for now, like I say I hope you have not found this too preachy or as telling you what to do, but I do genuinely believe that quitting could significantly improve your situation, I think it’s at least worth a try but like I say it can take some time to give it a proper and fair chance, I really do feel for your situation and sincerely hope things get better for you, anyway I just hope this may have helped you to think about the nature of your situation and options that are available to you, but like I say it always has to be the individuals decision.

Whatever you decide to do I really do wish you the very best and if you do decide to continuing your journey of quitting I hope you will keep us posted on how it goes, we will try to offer any support we can and will always be here to listen whenever you want to get something off your chest.

Take care and all the best,

[PrincessMollie]

Thank you Board Forum Blogger for your very appreciated reply. In no way were your words preachy or bossy, just nice to know you care enough about us fellow quitters to give advice.

Got to say, I should have been going with my 19 year old daughter and granddaughter back to the hospital today, as the third set of chemo starts. I loats it anbd argued with the taxi driver; this resulted in him cussing me and gettting ready to punch me. This is how quitting is making me so far, argumentative, and very, very paranoid. I am normally quite calm but have been at the end of my rope the last 3+ weeks. I feel very boring / bored of everything. Even speaking to people generally is putting my nerves on edge, I tend to block whatever they are saying, even though this isn't what I am trying to do. As I write this I am starting to weep, not something I am proud of I can assure you. I feel hopeless and wonder what there is to carry on for / I don't know what life after cannabis can possibly offer me. I feel more demotivated than ever, getting off the chair and doing work is hard to contemplate. Things going on around me seem a chore in themselves, I kind of want everything to just stop and go away. I wish I could just live on an island by myself, with a good book for when my concentration returns. I tried to drink alcohol at the weekend but found it impossible. I had to watch my partner who has given up laughing with pleasure as he got plastered on the wet stuff. At least he has something to fall back on while he gives up one of his crutches. I hate being sober.

Is it normal to feel this useless, demoralised, desperate, even suicidal? Am I just suffering self-pity? everything just seems to be falling apart around my ears, although it probably was before too. I don't know what to do. Have tried ringing Talk to Frank, but they just more or less tell me not to continue quitting, as so much is already going on.

Loads more to say but will leave it here for now. Will appreciate any advice offered.

[BFB]

Hi again, I am glad to be of some help, it’s a very tough one indeed, while some people don’t really seem to have that much trouble when they quit others do indeed find that their world really does drain of all happiness, colour and joy and literally fall apart. I have heard from many who have suffered this kind of depression and loss of pleasure, when it comes to quitting cannabis it’s the effect it can have on your mental health like anxiety and depression that can be the toughest of all, it can be a real catch 22 considering using it can cause these things but so can quitting, although like I always say if they are just withdrawal symptoms from quitting they will pass, where as if they are from using they will continue as long as you continue to use.

Like I say it can be an extremely tough situation, quitting may well lead to significant benefit in the long term but getting there can be absolute hell, there is always the option of slowly tapering off, which is something which allows you to hit the ground with less of a thud and may work for some, however for those who are truly addicted this often doesn’t work as addiction is usually an all or nothing type thing, so I too would probably also advise sticking with it if you can.

The only other thing to consider and it’s with caution that I even suggest this as although I think that there are situations where people may genuinely need them, I also think you should only take them if you really have to, but there is also the option of taking an anti depressant, now I know many view this as swapping one drug for another and many pot smokers would argue you are better off just smoking pot, but considering you do indeed have an awful lot to deal with perhaps an anti depressant is appropriate in your particular case, they are often far more effective at treating anxiety and depression than self medicating with drugs like marijuana and actually are a very different sort of drug to be taking, they don’t really get you high like a recreational drug like pot does, but more just change the chemistry in your brain that makes you feel so low, they are pretty different to using recreational drugs to self medicate, anyway I am not trying to push them onto you, like I say I think people should only take then if they really need to, but perhaps your situation does genuinely warrant it, maybe this is another option for you to consider.

Oh also some people have reported that they have found that the amino acid L theanine has helped you may want to try that first, perhaps it may give you a bit of a boost.

Anyway that’s all I can think to advise for now, but please don’t hesitate to post again whenever you feel the need, we will always be happy to listen.

Take care, thanks for posting and please keep us posted on how it goes.

All the best

[abiogenesis]

Hi PrincessMollie and welcome to the forum,

When I read your posts, I get the feeling that you are going through a 'reverse recovery'. What I mean is, when someone quits weed or whatever the drug he/she is using, this normally comes with the realization of his/her addiction and how his/her life has been desperate because of his/her addiction. Then it gets still very hard for this person to stay sober, partly due to withdrawals and mainly due to very well charactarized neurological conditions caused by his/her addiction. Anyway.. I called your case as a 'reverse recovery' because as I read from your posts, you are staying sober (which is already something hard for the selfmotivated people) but there is no real self-motivation behind it. I am considering this as a very important point since addiction is a 'neurological' disease, which means that our perception of it makes a very big difference. Now you are experiencing the withdrawals and you are wondering if you will ever feel better as a sober person. I think that 'being sober' and 'being recovered' are two different concepts. Soberity is a prerequisete for recovery, they are not the same thing in my opinion. It's mainly because recovery is a neurological process as well as it's a biochemical one. Recovery is the transtion that takes place in one's mind/body from being in a 'sick' state to being in a 'healthy' state. When you stay sober for a long time, your brain chemistry will adjust itself to function normally (which means that your hormonal levels will return to normal), but the neurological part of the recovery is about our motivation, perception, perspective, i.e.. so this is more about intellectual functioning of our minds. If this wasn't the case, I guess the best solution for every addict would be putting them in a coma for let's say 6 months, then we would expect them to get recovered when they wake up 6 months later. I hardly believe this would be the case.

So, to come to my saying on your case being as a 'reverse recovery', I mean that your biochemistry being recovered but the essential part of it, your thoughts/motivation/perspective is stuck on that addicted state. And I don't want to discourage you but I think this is a very big problem for your case. May be someone could say that, "when you stay sober for 1 year, even if you never changed your perception on addiction, you would be still recovered because your brain will learn to get pleasure from life as it is and the addicted circuit in your brain would get weaker by time". But the thing is this basically means that you are much prolonging the recovery road ahead of you. What I mean is you are trying to handle a hard battle without believing it and this is making the battle much much harder.

Then, the main question comes to 'how to get motivated for the recovery'? I believe, you should first answer the question 'what's your weed addiction'? I can very confidently say that, it's not a choice that you have been making consciously, at first ofcourse it was a voluntary choice, but a severe neurological disease in your mind grew stronger and stronger over the years which put you in a different state of mind than a healthy person. This state involves very abnormalling functioning of your hormonal levels in your brain (which is the cause of your current feelings) and more importantly it involves some profound neurological changes in your brain (which is the cause of your current thoughts being obsessed about weed) and thirdly cognitive functioning of your brain is probably much lower than it would be if you weren't addicted. If this weren't true, you wouldn't feel that desperate without weed; this is basically the proof that weed has been holding you in that sick state of mind since all these years. I am very sorry if I am offending you but these are some very essential facts about addiction that has been being studied by thousands of experts throughout the world and I believe digesting these is the only way for you to get self-motivated for your quitting. I strongly advise you go through the sticky thread 'useful websites for recovery skills' and you can find tens of documents about addiction and recovery.

Please feel free to discuss more and we will try to be of help as much as we can

All the best,

[BFB]

I would just like to add that I agree with Abiogenesis about how important it is to be aware of the issue of neurological addiction in situations like this, obviously for people who don’t have a problem giving up this factor probably isn’t present which is why they don’t find it anywhere near as much of a problem, but for people who do find it so difficult and experience such severe withdrawal symptoms of anxiety and depression it is most likely as a direct result of neurological addiction that is causing these symptoms.

I also agree that in situations like this it is indeed extremely advisable to both accept that this is the case and learn as much as you can about the nature of addiction, as with any illness or disorder the more it is recognised and more that is leant about it the better, I also think it is required to give you the knowledge and perspective you need to recover, so I too would advise taking a look at the useful websites thread so you can learn as much as possible about what is actually going on.

My thanks as always to our excellent mod and supporter for helping us all with knowledge of this subject, as it’s something that so many of us are unaware of especially in regards to this particular problem and the use of marijuana.

Anyway like we say if there is anything else we can do to help just ask, all the best.

[Unregistered]

ok im on day 27 of not smoking a joint, 10 years of smoking heavily everyday and ive quit! i should b happy and am proud but totally unhappy... im not sure if this is withdrawal but my whole body aches, i just wanna roll around in pain all day, it keeps me up all night!! im starting to now really crave it again just so i can relax and get relief. ive been to doc and he says its due to tension and i need to relax but honestly dont no how without a joint! im starting to feel very depressed, suicidal thoughts, is giving up not supossed to help ur mental health?? mine is incressingl getting worse! HELP!!!

[BFB]

Hey there,



It’s sounds like you are having a pretty tough time, giving up is often good for your mental health in the long term, the only downside is that in the short term things can often get worse before they get better, to get to the point where you benefit you may have to go through a uncomfortable withdrawal, it sucks I know but unfortunately it is something that some people have to go though, can you do any exercise? Some people find this can help, also you may want to try an amino acid called L theanine, many have reported to finding this beneficial in helping them cope with withdrawal.

Anyway just a couple of suggestion that you may want to try.

Take care, thanks for posting and please keep us posted on how it goes.

All the best