I have been a cannabis smoker since I was 17. For the past 18 years I have smoked it almost every day.
It has been my sticking plaster through a 13 year relationship with a violent alcoholic, if I could smoke a spliff it didn't matter how much he beat me. It has soothed me through losing my son with meningitis 20 years ago. It has helped me through my severe social phobia (you will say it exacerbated my social phobia, but honestly it calmed me). It helped me through 9 years of bad health. More recently it has helped me cope with my beautiful granddaughters fight with cancer. She is 1 year old and faces most of the year in hospital.
Now my partner of 5 years has decided weed does not suit him, he feels his memory is shot and the paranoia stinks. It led to an ultimatum, him or the weed.
I have been without my anti-depressant for nearly 3 weeks and it is now that I feel extremely paranoid, my concentration has left, I can't stop the munchies. The colour has gone out of everything, I am tearful almost all day every day, I am bored, sex doesn't seem as good. I want a spliff big time.
I feel giving up was not my choice and can't believe it will be great in the long term. I hate booze with a vengeance (I am one of those people it just doesn't suit genetically).
My question is: should I continue to smoke it or suffer until one day I may see the sunshine again? Will I really feel better as a sober person forever? I am jealous of people who are happy with a glass of wine or a cold can of lager.
I feel like I am going insane, the only thing that fills my mind is the memory of cannabis and the need for it. Please is there anyone who can advise.
Thank you in advance.