Please Help i am confused - Marijuana Dissociative Depersonalization Disorder

[johnnyq]

I am a foreigner so sorry for my bad english.
I am 20 years old and this is my story:
Since about eight months i started smoking weed frequently. It lasted about six months. I smoked for four months about two/three joints per week, and the next two months about four five a week. My first question is: can this amount of marijuana cause permanent brain disfunction? Marijuana was not laced or anything, on several occasions it was skunk.
After i smoked my last joint about two months ago, i woke up feeling, well, bad. It can be described as severe brain fog, detachment from mental procesess, from outward reality, bad concentration, bad short term memory, unable to think clearly, not having a sense of time, sense of my personality, insomnia... Absolute transformation from a happy, witty, college student with great grades which was considered smart by his environment to a walking zombie, that continuosly googles his condition, feeling dumb, feeling numb, feeling suicidal.
From my thorough analysis of my condition and informations available online i could be experiencing this:

Depersonalization derealization caused by anxiety, triggered by mary jane - well symptoms may fit, but i don't feel anxious or anything like that, just plain stupid, foggy,

Brain damage caused by marijuana: - well some say there is no damage from marijuana, some say there is. Well i am wondering if it could be this bad, since i wasn't daily smoker for long time, if what i described before wasn't chronic and heavy use

withdrawal symptoms- well i don't feel the urge to smoke it ever again, so doubt that too.

Anyways, some help please. I wonder if it goes away, of course, and if it does when. What might help me? And please DON'T answer if you haven't been there, or you don't know anything about it. I really need some help people.

[BFB]

Hi Johnnyq and welcome to the forum

The things you describe are exactly what I have experienced, I too have experienced these symptoms many of which include those of depersonalization, but I smoked a lot more than you did, it took a hell of a lot more to get me in that state, I was smoking an eighth of very strong skunk a day for a good few years. Whether smoking marijuana causes actual brain damage or whether it’s something else that stops your brain from working properly is something that is highly debated, but whichever it is the bottom line is that your brain is not working properly and living with these kind of symptoms is extremely distressing whatever the cause and I personally although I have improved to an extent have never fully recovered, and it’s been five years now since I quit. If it is the weed that’s responsible for what you are experiencing, then I must admit I am a little surprised that such a relatively small amount, especially in comparison to what I smoked has been able to cause such a severity of these kind of symptoms, however the thing is with a drug like marijuana is that those that experience the worst side effects may well be those who have some kind of predisposition to these sort of things, which a drug like marijuana may trigger, it could be this kind of predisposition as well as the actual drug it’s self, basically a situation where both things have to be present in order for this kind of thing to happen and thus both things been equally to blame as one would not be happening without the other. So maybe you had some kind of predisposition to these kind of depersonalization symptoms that was easily triggered by drug use, even maybe a relatively small amount, there are people out there with predisposition to various mental illnesses who just can’t smoke any marijuana, as even a little bit of this kind of drug is enough to trigger some very severe symptoms, I know I can’t smoke any now, there have been a few occasions since I have quit that I have tried, but I have become so sensitive to it that even the tiniest amount now really messes me up, the effect that I experience after smoking is very severe, it causes me to experience a drastic effect, I came to terms with the fact quite some time ago that I just can’t smoke any anymore. I knew one girl that was prone to episodes of psychosis who couldn’t smoke any either, even a couple of drags would trigger an episode, some people are extremely sensitive to drugs of the trippy kind, that reminds me that poor guy from Fleetwood Mac (their documentary has just this second started on the TV channel I am watching), he only did acid once and as his band mates put it “never came back”. So anyway although it may not the norm and although it may be relatively rare, there are those who it seems may be extremely sensitive to these “mind expanding” drugs and maybe unfortunately you are one of those people. It kind of sucks really as it’s the people with exactly these kind of vulnerabilities, that probably feel the need to “self medicate” with recreational the most.

Anyway what can you and I do now, well obviously stopping doing it and never doing it again is an absolute must, which it sounds like you probably never will again now that you know the effect it has on you, in terms of treating these kind of symptoms in terms of medication doctors usually use anti depressants and mood stabilizers for symptoms of depersonalization, assuming you want to take any more drugs at all, if drugs have caused the problem in the first place who knows whether taking more drugs is the right thing to do or not, maybe it’s best just to try nothing for a while and see how you go, I did for a good while but the depression was so bad that I did benefit from taking an anti depressant in the end. The other thing they use is psychotherapy, although again whether this will fix someone who’s problem is as a result of using drugs I don’t know, it may be good for people who are experiencing depersonalization as a result of some kind of trauma, but what the success rate is for people whose problem is caused by drugs I don’t know.

Anyway that’s about all I can think to say at this point, my thinking is still fuzzy and foggy too, although it is a lot better than it was, I am nowhere near as bad as I was when I was at my worst, it hasn’t been that long since you quit, it’s still fairly early days, so there’s a good chance you will make a fair bit of improvement, in a few months time you may be pretty much back to your old self, some people do recover a lot more than others, in fact I was saying this just recently to someone else who has experienced this kind of thing, I think there’s probably more of us out there than most people would think, anyway I am already starting to ramble so rather than repeat everything I said in that thread I will just give you the link to it http://www.forummatters.com/forums/s...ever-come-back , you will probably want to read it as it also covers a lot that relates to this situation, especially the different extents to which different people recover and the rates at which they do so. Apparently some people can make good recoveries.

Anyway I know how shit it feels, but like I say hang in there as I am sure you will experience some improvement, you just need to give it some time.

Take care, thanks for posting and please keep us posted on how it goes.

In sympathy and empathy.

All the best

Ps we are here any time you need advice or to get something off your chest.

[johnnyq]

Have you tried any brain diet, any lifestyle, detoxication ecc in order to treat your mind? I used b complex vitamins and that gave me a feeling like every thing is gonna be alright for two days and then unreality, brain fog, took a dump on all that.

And if you had dp dr have you tried treating that as dp dr. I mean, did you try some anti anxiety programs or such?

[BFB]

I have tried various vitamins and supplements, the best I have tried are neuro natural memory, from extended life, they were the most complete I could find and have just about everything that is good for the brain and I think they have helped me, I haven’t tried any fancy detox diets but I do have several portions of fruit and veg a day and do like my cranberries and blueberries. I have had cognitive behavioural therapy for anxiety, but I don’t think that it made much difference for me, I have also studied Buddhism a little which in my opinion blows the shit out of any therapy I have ever received on the NHS and has done far more for me than anything they have had to offer, but that’s just my personal view, but different things can work for different people.

Take care

[Unregistered]

try niacin and vitamin c, plenty of them, mega doses,
read up vitamin therapy DR ABRAM HOFFER
May help with cannibis psycosis or brain fog as u put it,
exercise and gym helps a great deal too,
good luck
take one day at a time.

[robinl555]

I would and do say go to the dr. before you assume it's the pot.... better to be safe then sorry...

[BFB]

Yeah I agree if in doubt always consult your doctor.

[Unregistered]

I had this experience when I was 15, the second time I smoked pot with my friend. The first time nothing really happened, except a slightly foggy feeling and we had smoked a LOT. The next time we smoked a small joint, less than a fifth the amount I tried the first time and I got overwhelmingly stoned, really the first time I'd ever been significantly intoxicated on anything. my eyes felt like bowling balls, I laughed my ass off at everything and everyone.
Then on the way back to my other friends some stupid bullies started some shit with me, they circled me and threatened to beat the shit out of me. Normally I can handle that kind of a situation OK, but this time the combination of being extremely stoned for the first time and the adrenaline from the threat of getting my ass kicked by a bunch of high school jocks put me over the edge. At first it was minor shaking, heart pounding, but combined with the weed I spiraled into a full blown panic attack. It was absolutely the worst experience of my life up to that point. Pure horror. I thought it was laced and now I was dying. I felt this sense of doom like because I smoked weed now demons had possessed me and I was in hell forever. The panic finally passed, but there remained a fog. Like I was watching my life on a grainy old film projector. nothing felt real. My emotional connection to the world was switched off. I felt like my consciousness had been pressed back from the external world deep into my mind, like I was yelling at the world from deep inside a black hole. I thought it would pass. it didn't. Years went by, sober years mind you, and the fog never lifted. The worst part is everyone I described this too had no idea what I was talking about. It wasn't until 12 years later, still affected, I talked to a psychologist about it and she claimed to know what it was but refused to tell me for some stupid theory that it's worse if patients know their condition! But at least I knew it was a known psychological issue and not necessarily a demonic possession. It wasn't until a few years back while searching the internet I discovered there were many other people like me, who were permanently changed by marijuana use through a phenomenon called derealization. But it hasn't been much of a relief, honestly. I still have panic attacks, and every one of them is a reminder of that same horror I first experienced that night when I was 14. It still feels like I'm stuck in hell forever.
It's hard to convince myself it's only drug induced brain damage. It feels like I ruined my life with a joint, as stupid as that sounds to most people, even to me. Is till think marijuana is not dangerous for most people and should be legal. I am just among a minority who are hurt by it for whatever reason. i read one paper that says it's due to genetics. A small percentage of people have a chemical in their brain that reacts badly with thc. Maybe that's what it is, I don't know. I just know I regret ever trying pot, not that the derealization is so hard to adjust to, it isn't. But I feel like I miss that wholeness of my mind. I lost something very good that night and never got it back.

[BFB]

Yes it is indeed very unfortunate the effects marijuana can have on some, as I say I do feel I have experienced many of these symptoms, whether it is a dissociative thing with me or not I don’t know for sure and have kind of gone passed even trying to label it now, marijuana can upset the chemistry of some peoples bodies in potentially all sorts of ways from hormones to lord knows what else. It certain does seem to mess with certain peoples brain chemistry.

Don’t worry I don’t think you are possessed but I know what you mean about getting others to understand what you are talking about, the symptoms I have experienced especially in regards to the way it has affected and changed my consciousness and perception of things has to be experienced to be understood, as I often say to people you would have to experience it to know what I am talking about.

The good news is that I have made a fair bit of progress and although I am not back to how I was before and may well never will be I am a lot better, but it has taken a good few years, it can sometimes take the brain a long time to readjust it’s chemistry and make new pathways, although I appreciate the degree to which people recover can vary, I hope you get better with time too.

All the best,