I think I'm addicted to weed and its ruining my life and I need help

[Anomaly]

Hi All,

First of I've had a quick look through the posts on here and although what I'm saying might be a bit generic it's how I'm feeling right now and I could do with some experienced from other people who have and are currently in my situation because I'm pulling my hair out back here (well wish I was because I cant be bothered).

Secondly sorry about the daft user name.

I'm 31 at the moment, I've smoked weed since I was about 15/16, I've stopped before and was off it for around 5 years and this was about 5 years ago.

Right now I dont know if my problems are me or weed induced.

Emotionally I'm disconnected, the few emotions I do seem to experience are those of slight paranoia and feeling down.

I'm not getting excited anymore, I'm not driven, I cant muster up energy to do anything I want to do, all my passion has left me, I'm a mad petrol head however cant be bothered getting involved anymore, no matter how much I love my driving and being stoned is taking away all the precision in my life, for example I can quite easily do a task to 90% completion and leave it there. I'm having problems remembering things and I'm making mistakes, work and personal.

I'm also a software developer, can I be arsed getting through work/fun stuff in my own terms, NO.

I've withdrawn from my friends, my family, I'm avoiding social interaction and my ability to communicate feels like its deteriorating so much I might not be able to speak at all if I dont do something about it. I'm feeling inadequate when I engage people now, I feel trapped here, I feel I cant get out of this and worse Im starting to believe that its me and this is how I am.

I suspect that having smoked for so long and nearly every day that its interfering with my day to day life, I dont smoke during the day and just being stoned forces me so deep into myself its hard to get back out even after a day or two straight, I'm sluggish, forgetfull, even my concept of time is deteriorating, when I do get into a conversation I cant think of what to say, even this rambling post of mine was an effort to come up with the points I wanted to.

My flipside is this, I love my cars, madly passionate and pride myself on my driving ability (not a boy racer tho lol)
I write software, not that easy for a layman so I cant be an idiot.
I work out, I try to keep myself healthy and I do a demanding workout at that.
I like to be good at my job and I work hard (twice as hard because I have to fight through a stoned haze first)

I like to learn, do things, dance, laugh and love but I'm struggling now.

I worked in finance utill the recession, went back to uni merited 80% of the course and this is me just going back to work now, I even got a pretty good job with a great employer, one of the VERY few developer jobs around at the moment. My drive does exist and its potent but I've not felt it in so long, I have to really work to get myself through

Worst of all I feel lonely and disconnected and I want back in the game. Can I?

Anyone going through or been through this or similar, please chip in.

Sorry about the essay and thanks for reading

Anom

[forever quitting]

Hey anomaly

I have replied to you in your reply to me, so excuse me repeating myself here I think by writing this blog, you have taken a real big step - you wouldn't have written anything if you didn't feel your pot use was a problem eh? this forum is great so stick with it and if you need someone to correspond with, i am here and so are many others. I've been smoking about the same length of time as you and as you will have seen from my previous posts, have suffered many of the things you have. You should be really proud of yourself for being able to maintain your job and retraining and passing your course with such high marks, that is an acheivement - imagine if you weren't smoking how much more you could have done? I know what you mean about having to work that bid harder though with being a stoner.

I too for the moment are unsure whether my problems are weed induced or due to underlying depression in me - i dont suppose i'll ever know but i know one thing for sure, the weed isn't helping how i am feeling, it just masks things for a little while and then back to the low feelings again. At the moment i am just taking baby steps, having had several attempts at quitting and failing and have beat myself up about it every time i fail and smoked again. I am getting stronger day by day and the fact that i have been able to tell my family has been a huge weight off my mind. Just try taking things a day at a time. i dont know if it best to go cold turkey or tail things off slowly with regards the smoking. I have gone cold turkey and experiened terrible withdrawal symptoms but i didn't have the strentgh to cut down slowly as if it was there, it would get smoked! today i am feeling better than i have done in the last few weeks so i am hoping this is a sign of things to come

stop saying sorry in your post - you have nothing to be sorry for, life is hard and if you feel the need to ramble on a forum like this then that's great, at least you are not just ignoring the problems and sitting in a smoke hazed fog, not addressing your problems.

anyway i just wanted to let you know i am here for you and BFB has some very good advice so take heed. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Only you can stop but you dont have to feel you are alone.

take care and all the best

bx

[BFB]

Hi anomaly and welcome to the forum.

It sounds like your marijuana use is really zapping your motivation, it did mine too, in the end I got totally lost in a cloud of dope use, it’s one of the main problems that a lot of people who use it experience you are really not alone there, in the end it can really cut you out of your own life and the longer you continue to use it the worst it usually gets. Anyway on the plus side the one big thing you have got going for you is that you have realised this at that for so many of us really is half the battle, it’s not until we wake up and recognise the nature of the situation that we are in a position to do something about it.

It sounds like you still have a fair bit going for you but are at serious risk of been dragged under if you don’t do something now, but if you do I am sure you can pull it back and really start to motor (pardon the pun) in every aspect of your life once again. You can get back on track and regain your drive (last pun I promise), but seriously you can do it, I promise, you have done it before and you can do it again and we will be with you every step of the way, anytime you need to vent or need any advice we will be here. If you plan on going cold turkey then start now, if you plan on gradually tapering off then again start now, when it comes to this sort of thing there really is no time like the present, the best time to do it usually really is as soon as possible.

Take care, thanks for posting and please keep us posted on how it goes.

We are all with you, good luck and all the best.

[forever quitting]

Hiya

Just another thought........ you love driving, what if you lost your licence because of your weed smoking? BFB is right, no time like the present.

good luck

[Anomaly]

BFB & FQ, thank you both for posting back and I love puns lol

Works kept me quite occupied the last few days too but here again!

I know exactly what you both are saying, you tend not to notice the drop in standards untill you get to a point where your so de-tuned from yourself it feels like your just crawling along watching your life and then PANIC. I bet there's people out there that dont even realise that.

Also been feeling quite good lately, however this I also put down to weed because I tend to ride waves of fluctuating mental states, that said I had pretty fun weekend too, hope you guys also managed to cut loose a bit.

Both of you mentioned cold turkey, last time I gave up thats what I did, I met a girl who didn't smoke and thought that I didn't want her to have a wasted boyfriend, fast forward five years and when that ended I felt like being my old self again so I bought a quarter and quickly realised I couldnt smoke like I used to, not long after that I realised I wasn't quite as sharp as I was and I was recognising the old paranoia cues, and last time my paranoia was rampant.

Funny thing is I never experienced any withdrawal sypmtoms, really wanted a splif for a while and a few nights of not getting to sleep easily but that was it, just like you FQ I found it hard to moderate myself into cutting down, cold turkey was the only way that worked for me. I think one of the biggest problems that we face, and both of you have probably faced this is your social circles, I couldnt get away from it wherever I went and felt like I was the only one that felt the way I did so I cut ties with most of them and broke up with the girl I was with at the time (which I properly regret because she was lovely but she was a heavy smoker, didnt want to quit and I was panicking).

How are you guys doing with this? Are you away from it completely now BFB?

FQ I've had a read through your other thread and I understand completely, my doors open to you too should it get on top of you.

[forever quitting]

hey anomaly

hows it going? haven't heard from you in a while. im on day 22 now - sorry for repeating this to anyone else who is reading this as i have been a bit mad posting tonight on various threads. Things going great and was just wondering how things are with you? keeping busy?

im now through the worst of the physical withdawals now but it is still early days. managed to be around smokers - only smoking solids not weed (weed is the real test for me, as soon as i smell it the reward part of my brain says "your having some of that"). going camping this weekend, a first as i haven't been camping without a smoke before so another test! back at work now and going well, managing to concentrate better than usual and even know what day and date it is without checking the calendar about 20 times a day! still have some problems sleeping, take Nytol one a night if i think im going to struggle, if i dont take it i tend to wake up during the night once or twice or half an hour before my alarm goes off in the morning - never happened when i was a stoner LOL

Are you still smoking or cutting down - do you still want to stop? Just wanted to let you know im here if you need to chat.

taka care

FQ

[Unregistered]

hi my name is paris and i need help with giving up weed ive been smokign sice i was 14 and i jsut want to get rid off it out of my life now its drving me mad but i just cant help smoking it because its always around me coz my brother smkes it i spend alot of time with him. it is doing my head in now i just dont know what to do withmyself

hey anomaly

hows it going? haven't heard from you in a while. im on day 22 now - sorry for repeating this to anyone else who is reading this as i have been a bit mad posting tonight on various threads. Things going great and was just wondering how things are with you? keeping busy?

im now through the worst of the physical withdawals now but it is still early days. managed to be around smokers - only smoking solids not weed (weed is the real test for me, as soon as i smell it the reward part of my brain says "your having some of that"). going camping this weekend, a first as i haven't been camping without a smoke before so another test! back at work now and going well, managing to concentrate better than usual and even know what day and date it is without checking the calendar about 20 times a day! still have some problems sleeping, take Nytol one a night if i think im going to struggle, if i dont take it i tend to wake up during the night once or twice or half an hour before my alarm goes off in the morning - never happened when i was a stoner LOL

Are you still smoking or cutting down - do you still want to stop? Just wanted to let you know im here if you need to chat.

taka care

FQ

[noot]

Hi Paris,
good luck with quitting - reading around on this forum is really helpful. I think the best thing to do is just quit cold turkey - how many years have you been smoking? I am a week into quitting and it hasn't been terrible but it helps to be in touch with people who are going through the same thing.

It might be hard to quit if you are around weed frequently via your brother. I know I had to get every last crumb out of my house because the temptation is just too difficult to resist if I know I have some. Can you spend less time with your brother? Or can you ask him to not smoke around you? I know it can be hard but hang in there! I have quit so many times in the past but have always started up again. I'm hoping that this forum will make it a little easier this time!

Everyone's experience when quitting can be different so I have found it helpful to read through the posts detailing the effects of withdrawal. It helps because then when I feel a certain way, I can just tell myself "oh, it is jut the withdrawal but I"ll get through it.." that helps. The withdrawal symptoms I find the most difficult are not the sweats, insomnia and dreams (although I am getting a little bit of that - I had a CRAZY awful dream last night!), but rather I am more disturbed by the subtler feelings I have of restlessness and the slight nagging feeling that something is just a little off.. But I"m trying to stick with it this time and if someone as hopeless as me can give it up, so can you!!

The first week might be a little hard but try to establish some new patterns for yourself. Once you get to the end of the first week, you can motivate yourself to keep going by reminding yourself that if you start up again, it is only for the sake of a few minutes and then it is going to be back to the usual.. and then you will have to start the whole process of quitting all over again! Good luck!

[Unregistered]

I used to smoke every day, starting at age 14 until my 18th. I didnt know i was addicted even though i smoked almost a blunt of that green everyday. When i turned 18 i got on probation because of a cannabis charge and had to do a urine analysis every month. So i had to quit. When i quit i finally realized i was addicted, cause everything i used to do i had to get high first and then go do what i planned on doing after. So probation made it clear to me that i was addicted. When i got off of that i started smoking again, not as much as i used to though. Then i moved to amsterdam to study and got high pretty much every day. After a couple of months past it wasnt fun anymore. The weed in amsterdam is so good and so easy to get you dont get high but you get retarded. Anyway i realized that when you get high nothing productive comes of it. All the things you have to go through are stages in your live that you can look back on. When your young you make stupid decisions but how old are you now?

[Unregistered]

I'm a software developer too. I've had all the problems you had before I started smoking, so I ended up turning to marijuana for help with these feelings without even reallizing I was doing it. I wish I had a job doing what I love like you, don't take it for granted, follow that dream, you have to remember weed creates a fake world with a false sense of happiness, and we both know doing that one passion you love is way more fun and is actually real. Follow this legit dream you have here, remember everyone makes mistakes, and no one is perfect.

Do it for yourself, a lot of people that get into drugs have nothing in there lives with no money at all and use them to escape, we both have computers and homes to live in, we don't need these substances, our lives aren't that bad. We need to stop taking things for granted, disconnect from this fake world, forgive ourself, love our selfs and reconnect back with the real world. That's what this is all about, we aren't our selves right now, we need to come back. We only have so long to live, follow your dreams before it's too late. Make this journey of life be worth something real by being yourself and happy, that is truly the best way to live our limited lives. Don't waste your life.