Here we go again! Quitting smoking marijuana.

[Lobsterhead]

Hi all, I'm sitting here at 11:15pm getting ready for another sleepless night, oh joy! Day 2 of quitting after about 20 years of smoking the dreaded but oh so lovely weed. Of course it doesn't really help that my wife is still smoking, in fact I can still smell the last spliff she had half an hour ago.



So I'm sitting here thinking 'how can I lessen my misery?, by subjecting other people to it of course!' So I've decided to share, isn't that nice of me?

While aimlessly wandering the net I found this site, read a few posts and decided to join so that I can come here every night and piss and moan at you all about how horrible I'm feeling HeeHee!

A bit of background, feel free to skip this but if you're going through insomnia as well read on, it might put you to sleep.
As I said, been smoking for about 20 years, quit a few times but always came crawling back after an embarrasingly short time. I have a bi-polar disorder and have always treated pot as self-medication (what a great justification!) Of course it makes me feel better, that's what pot does, and it works a hell of a lot better and quicker than any drugs the shrinks have put me on. But then it has it's bad side doesn't it? We all know the wonderful life sucking qualities of pot so I won't dwell on that. Suffice it say, I've had enough, I'm 42 now and have achieved sod all, not that I blame the pot entirely for that, but it's definitely been a contributing factor. I was a reasonably successful artist until a sudden lurch into the depressive side of bi-polar followed by an increasing dependance on pot to get through the day. And suddenly it's 20 years later, bummer.

Hey look, I can still ramble when I'm not stoned!
So like I said, this is day 2 and I feel like shit, arguing with my wife(badly) and having to put serious effort into not killing anything that comes within range. Not even bothering to go to bed tonight, just going to lie on the sofa and sulk. I'll probably fall asleep at some point which I'm really looking forward to considering the wonderfully macabre dreams I'm bound to have.
That's it for now. I'll be back tomorrow for another fun filled episode, I bet you're looking forward to it already aren't you?

OOps! Long post, sorry tfmtlol! (too fekkin miserable to laugh out loud)

Lobster

[jb3]

I have a bi-polar disorder and have always treated pot as self-medication (what a great justification!) Of course it makes me feel better, that's what pot does, and it works a hell of a lot better and quicker than any drugs the shrinks have put me on. But then it has it's bad side doesn't it?

LOL, did I write this when I wasn't looking? Anyway, I'm 41 with bipolar, and yeah, the pot as medication thing was my bag for a while. But near the end I realized, like a lot of psych meds, pot has some bad side effects. Just because it's "natural", doesn't mean it's better. About a month ago, I told my wife "I'm giving pot one more chance (as bipolar med)". Well it failed, and now I'm giving the shrinks "one more chance" (actually, probably more than one since suicide isn't an option). It's working out so far, but with bipolar I've learned the good times don't last forever, so I'm prepared for the inevitable downturn. Hopefully it won't be as bad as other times now that I am sober.

Good luck.

[BFB]

Hi Lobsterhead and welcome to the forum.

Many of us here have self medicated with pot in order to cope with symptoms of mental illness myself included, pot is something that those of us in that position often turn to, I too thought it helped for a quite a while but as is often the case with things like anxiety and depression while it may feel like it helps in the short term in the long term it often can make them worse, many people find this to be the case myself included.

Unfortunately it can also be quite tuff quitting too, in fact a lot of people after long term use can find themselves in the situation where they will feel bad if they carry on using and bad if they don’t, although negative psychological symptoms (which have a physical cause, they are a result of what’s physically happening inside your body and not something you are imagining) from not using do pass, where as the negative effects from continuing to use generally won’t, so sooner or later you just have to bite the bullet and choose the less of the two evils, so I think you are doing the right thing, it can suck big time though and can be a very bumpy ride, the arguments, depression and all the other crap that go with it are very common like I say although these symptoms may be labelled as psychological but are a result of what’s physically happening in your brain as a result of discontinuing your use of the drug.

Anyway it will pass so hang in there, although I was wondering if you are taking anything else as if you are bipolar the symptoms of this won’t and depending on whether or not you believe in taking meds may be something you may want to look into treating properly.

Take care, thanks for posting, feel free to moan here any time you like and please keep us posted.

[Lobsterhead]

Hi all, thanks for the replies.
BFB: I'm supposed to be on meds but I just don't like them, they dull my mind.
jb3: Good luck with the meds, it took ages to find ones that worked for me and even then only slightly. Don't rely on the shrinks to know what they're talking about, because believe me, they don't most of the time. Do your own research if you haven't already.

So, day three. YAY! By 'YAY' I do of course mean will someone please shoot me.
This morning was truly horrific, I was feeling almost suicidal and I'm not kidding. It's amazing how quickly it can get so bad. Like any film with Stallone in. I was so depressed I almost watched Jeremy Kyle for some light relief, almost. Just to take the p*ss some religious types chose this morning to shove some leaflets through my door. Each to their own of course but you'd think that if they had a friend in Jesus, he might have warned them. I found them and 'politely' returned their literature. Oh well, at least it got me out.

Now here's the weird thing, I went back to bed and got an hours sleep, by sleep I mean I lay in bed and was treated to my very own Lynch movie in my head. Got up, watched some stargate universe and suddenly realised 'I don't feel bad'. In fact I felt quite good, at least compared to yesterday and this morning. Yeah I feel completely knackered of course but I can handle that.
So I thought, ok I know what this is, it's the calm before the storm and in the next few hours I'm going to get so manic I'll be like Lee Evans on speed.
But it never happened, it started to but then just chilled out, weird, and I'm still pretty chilled now (12:15 pm). Let's see if I sleep. I cut my coffee intake to 2 cups today, yeah I know, I should stop completely but I can't give up everything I enjoy, next I'll be expected to stop spitting at the postman!

Well, I'll see what happens tomorrow.

Oh yeah, I do have one more negative thing to report about today. I thought that as I'm not stoned then I'd probably only manage about half the huge pizza I had for tea, nope, munched the whole thing. So it looks like I'll still be a fat ******* when I'm sober, bummer.

Night all and good luck.

[BFB]

Yeah not everybody gets on with the meds, some they can really help but others can’t take to them. Some people do find them a bit too dumbing and numbing, the ones that are prescribed for mania from my experience can be the worst for that, but a lot of people who are bipolar can’t take the anti depressants without the mood stabilizers. Just out of curiosity if you don’t mind me asking what meds have you tried?

[Unregistered]

Well, I wasn't intending to quit. But my regular source has been flaky and for some reason I am reserving the effort to blow up his phone or to start branching out to other possible sources. Mostly because I am sick of this part and I feel like the only way to never have to go through it again is to never be in a buying position, which seems to mean never being in a smoking position. It's been a few days, but yesterday was the first day I stopped playing the "scrape and wait" game, staring at my phone, willing that call to come through. I spent a lot of time last night reading forums, etc, looking for some tips on getting through this initial phase, even though I feel like I know them all already. Stay distracted, go to meetings, do some writing, eat well, exercise...I feel like I can rattle off a giant list of things I can't figure out how to actually do in my current state, or if I am doing them, I can't feel it helping. Maybe it's just a faith thing and when some time passes I'll look back and realize the efforts weren't wasted.

I've self-medicated for mental symptoms (I've had so many diagnoses I don't even identify with one in particular any more, but I think the current ones are schizoaffective disorder and OCD) and for physical symptoms (primarily pain from severe endometriosis) for the better part of the past 14 years. I've had some "off" time, but not much, in the past 6 or 7 years because generally pot has been readily available and I've been so focused on 'coping' and 'getting through' so many things and truly believed pot was the only way I made it through a grueling BFA program while trying to work some jobs and deal with the medical issues. As of now, I'm not really convinced I can make it without pot, but I do believe I might be able to prove it to myself one day at a time. I'm done with the student stress, at least until grad school, and even though the jobs are more demanding now, I feel better equipped to handle what the expectations are. The medical stuff probably will never go away, but it probably isn't the worst idea to gauge where my mind and body are without the pot...and I know that the time to judge isn't in the withdrawal phase, so I'd have to have more than a few days/weeks/months to get an accurate read.

I don't feel like pot has ruined my life so it's hard to "break-up". But, I acknowledge that I don't truly know what life is/could be without it. Maybe I stay away from it for a couple years and look back and feel it had ruined something or held me back from something else. I know whatever I think I've been held back from thus far can't be blamed on the pot, there's far too much else going on, but I certainly can't say it propelled me, either.

For now, though... sleepless and lethargic and riddled with nightmares, anxiety, agitation.. appetite a disaster.. looking too far ahead is more than I can handle. I feel like I want to cry, but I can't. When I try to sleep, I toss and turn in sweaty discomfort, plagued with horrible dreams. When I can't sleep because I have to function, it is all I want to do. Until I lay down and the pain in my body increases and the anxiety ramps up and I feel like I just want to kick my legs and tear my skin off. I want to tell myself this is the worst of it, but I know it might not be...maybe that comes over the next few weeks...but I can't even think about that, I just want to make it through tonight without trying to scrape or searching for long-lost buds I maybe have dropped once upon a time.

I feel so miserable, part of me doesn't know why I just don't reach out a little more and try to ease the suffering. There's nothing on the line right now... no job or relationship or loss that would be affected if I quit now or not... but I feel compelled to maintain the willpower through the misery, maybe just to prove I can. Maybe to prove to myself how dependent I feel. As if longing to be free will fortify my resolve. I feel afraid of how long this night may be. The writing doesn't make me feel better, but I don't have anyone to talk to about it and it passes a few slow-ticking minutes.

[cookie]

How did it go? did you finally quit? I have been smoking 20 years..I wish I didnt have to stop but you all know how that goes..I really would appreciate some advice..I said Iwas gonna quit everytime I dont have any more..it has really drained my money..of course it went from 25 for a qt..to 120 for a qt...anyways..I quit before..longest 2 weeks..I hate the nightmares but loved the nights with no munchies