Is my addiction to dope a brain disease or am I just weak-willed and irresponsible?

[Leoking]

Hey guys, hope you are all fighting the good fight and those of you who have started counting the days I say well on and stay strong. I have not yet quit, sob sob, I had set April 11th as my (new) quit date and I had about three days to 'cultivate my resolve'. I did something different this time, a good thing, which is I opened up to my mother who I knew, knew about my use but didn't expect would actually be so supportive and understanding. She shared my pain and said that she still trusted me and expected big things from me, she also asked how she could help. I felt such an overflowing of emotion at this that I actually teared up and was surprised that I was so emotional being a man and all (tough grunt). I was keeping this suffering inside me and thought I was all alone in it. Turns out that she suffers right along with me. This was heavy for me. Though she lives in another country our e-mail exchanges were raw and real. I wish I had done that sooner. So I actually thought that this was it, I would quit for sure this time but I was still worried about what will happen, what if I relapse again? Won't that be just terrible, now considering that I have let mum in? I was now setting up for new guilt on top of all the old guilt: now my mother is in on it. Instead of building up resolve to quit, I was building up worry that I would FAIL AGAIN LIKE USUAL. So I woke up on the 11th and went straight to the dealers and bought my weed and smoked the damn things in a weird way thinking that all that quitting business with my mother was just bullshit and weed is here to stay and this joint sure smells awesome. Later I sat there waiting for the guilt as I know it comes with pictures of my uselessness and loserhood, it came.



I didn't mean to give my life history just giving a background to my train of thought which led my to my question which is: how responsible am I in my behavior? Because I KNOW that this drug is bad and I WANT to stop doing it, but I am NOT. I am not in denial of the effects and negative consequences of this drug. So there must be something that is subverting my will, that is rendering reason and logic useless.

So I am seeking an answer to this question which I know is opening a decades-old debate in some scientific/academic circles, but rather than listening to some stuffy shirt college professor, I'd rather hear it from these horses mouths : ) I am looking for as objective a truth as possible free from all respective personal issues and baggage, are we all just sick or are we simply irresponsible? I am sick and tired of relapsing.

[BFB]

Hi Leoking and welcome to the forum.

An interesting question and perhaps the answer is both, like many things in life perhaps it’s not an either or situation, maybe it’s a disease that is caused by the persons own behaviour, let’s face it there are plenty of those type of illnesses, perhaps it’s just another one of them. Although in the defence of the people involved, perhaps addiction is something that like a lot of other illnesses, some people have more of a predisposition to than others, scientists claim to have proved some people have more of a genetic predisposition to addiction than others, although just because you have a vulnerability in that area doesn’t mean you have to fall foul of it, it doesn’t mean you have no control over it what so ever. Anyway that’s just my take on it.

Take care

[Leoking]

Thanks BFB.
I've been doing some reading on the web about this and I have some few facts.
-my brain is the center of my emotions and will
-that the addiction HAS affected my brain in that it recognizes pot as the only thing that can give it pleasure quickest
-this has affected my decision making in that I now (unconsciously)seek the quickest reward through smoking rather that other activities which would have been stimulating,
-I am responsible for this condition because of repeated use but now my body/brain has been rigged to carry out the behavior almost automatically using my thoughts and emotions with great effect, this is why I feel helpless
-my higher brain functions remain intact meaning I still can think rationally and still can control my actions consciously.

I now think that I need to form some sort of quitting strategy that will target my brain's reward system that has been dependent on pot for 6 years. I need to start seeking out 'non-drug alternatives' with non-users.

Someone here said that if you were lazy the quitting won't make you hardworking. This is good advice I think because I have been very focused on weed and imagining that once I quit I will turn into this awesome person that I have idealized in my mind, hardworking successful, social, a hit with the ladies, basically all the things that I have lost to this habit. But now I think that this was putting too much pressure on myself because I am trying to kick this habit AND be get my life together in one swoop. Those who have those things did not get the easily, how much harder for me who is starting from lower than the bottom? That is just a humbling thought.

The bottom line still is: Pot needs to be quit.

[BFB]

No probs glad to help, it sounds like you are learning as much as you can about it which is good, knowing what’s going on can really help you to start controlling it. I too have read about drug use including marijuana changing the brain so that you develop more of a predisposition for short term reward addictive behaviour, apparently it came prime the brain towards developing other addictions especially and including more addictive drugs. Part of what makes any drug use a slippery slope for some.

Take care

[inthegrinder]

Hey LeoKing!

I've done the exact thing you are doing, many times. Setting a date.

I've quit dozens of times, each time i decided, when i was out, or on a certain date, i would quit. I find this doesn't help.

If you want to quit. Look in a mirror, and ask yourself, who is in control? your emotions? or you? What do you want to be? a burnt out druggie? or something you can be proud of?

When i quit a few days ago, i did what i never thought id do, i flushed what i had left. The very instant you decide to quit, you need to quit. Dont set yourself a date or wait until your out. flush what you have left, and tell yourself that THIS IS IT!

I'm making another post called "My Key". I strongly recommend you check it out.

[Unregistered]

Leoking you are exactly right. The addiction to pot lies within ones subconscious mind. The brain thinks it has an addiction and no amount of conscious rationalizing will change it. This is the absolute key to being free of pot and quitting for good. You must find a way to change or unlearn this subconscious need.
And yes - The bottom line is: Pot needs to be quit.