left my pothead bf

[Unregistered]

thanks hummer

[Nakisai]

Ya, its good you left that situation, and just because you left doesn't make you the bad person even though they may think that. it doesn't. Your just doing what makes you happy.

Good Luck!

[Unregistered]

I know, like he's gonna make me feel bad. I know he's eventually going to call, show up with tears in his eyes and get me flowers. But that won't work this time!

[Unregistered]

I am sooooo appreciative of your post! I am struggling right now with leaving my boyfriend. I feel like I am a normally positive woman with great self esteem, however, I feel like my bf's addiction has taken over his soul. He smokes so much its like Im not even there. And when I am there, it doesnt seem to matter.
I want to be with someone who shows me all of his emotions and his addiction is keeping me from seeing that. I am not insecure but his lack of interest in pretty much anything (including me) is pathetic and I can't see myself doing this anymore.
Also, I want to have kids and coming from a drug addict father, its the worst possible scenario in which to raise a family.
I whole heartedly support your tough decision. Hopefully one day our bfs will wake up and realize the wonderful beautiful intelligent women they lost!

[newlife26]

Wow I am so proud of you for standing up for yourself! I am drowning in my relationship. My boyfriend is completely addicted, smokes all day, every day. I love him so much but I feel like Im not getting anything out of it anymore. Now that he has moved out of his parents house he is smoking with his buddies all the time. Its like whenever I come over, Im just an accessory on the couch. He is void of all emotions and I feel like he has taken away some of my self esteem. I dont want to be with him when he is high and this is a constant thing. He never wants to do ANYTHING and he is always making excuses not to go out with my friends. I feel like I have changed who I am to be with him. I am social and have alot of friends, whereas he just wants to stay home and watch family guy and get high with his other pot head friends.
I crave intellectual conversations and he can't even do that! So of course now I don't even want to sleep with him anymore.
It's pathetic that I have put up with it for so long. I need someone that is emotionally there for me.
You have inspired me to continue with my breakup.
I feel if I truly love him, I will no longer reinforce the fact that this is ok.
I mean, who wants a boyfriend who talks so slow, he sounds retarded?
Its terrible to feel single when you technically aren't.
Addictions are an awful thing, and I will never date someone with an addiction again.

[Unregistered]

update: he's called me up crying. He says he's been sober for past 2 days. I told him I don't want to get back together with him. It's really tough and I hate being single but I CAN'T get back with him. I know he may be telling me what I want to hear. I know that if i get back with him he'll start smoking again. It's not like he's been sober for months, 2 days really doesn't prove much. There's a high chance of relapse too. And besides, there were a lot of other issues. It's hard. I hate being single but I feel like I have to do this. I still have feelings for him and love him and care about him but we're just too different. I can't live or marry someone like this. I guess he's good enough for a boyfriend but not as a husband or father of my future kids. I feel bad- I hate when he cries. But I think he's starting to undertsand.

unregistered:
You deserve a man who appreciates you to your fullest levels. It's also important to think about your future. I also agree that children shouldn't be brought into this world with a father who has drug addiction problems. It's really all about the children. I think it's important for children to have sober parents and to have parents that are good role models. You would want the father of your children to emotionally be there for the kids and to be against drugs. I kow I would want my children to be against drugs and to have a father who doesn't do illegal things. Good luck in your situation.

newlife26:
thanks like I said, it's really hard. You shouldn't have to change for the worse, if anything I believe couples should bring out the best in one another. I think we can all agree that if we are sober, then they should be sober too. It's about being on the same level. I don't think they have empathy. I have explained to my ex-boyfriend how he would feel if I got drunk (I never smoked put so I'm using alcohol as an example) every time I saw him and if I was drunk all the time. He said he wouldn't like it.
People are different when they are intoxicated. It scared me to think that I really don't know his true personality!!!

There are just so many issues with smoking pot:
-the damage to physical health (especially the lungs and it actually shrinks a part of the brain over time). It also lowers sperm count and mobility.
- the damage to the mental health (forgetfullness, amotivation, slowness, lack of emotion, etc.)
- the very expensive cost
-the fact that it is illegal and he could end up in jail or being evicted from his apartment. It can also prevent him from getting a good job if they drug test.


I also agree with that if you truly love him, you would want him to quit. Why would we want to see our boyfriends destroy their lives? I don't think they understand that. We're not trying to be all controlling or act like their mothers, we're just love them and want to see them thrive and do good.

Also, I don't mean to offend people who smoke a lot of pot. I don't want to come off as "I'm better than him". I just think we deserve people who we have more in common with and share our point of views.

Good luck to all of you

[Hummer]

update: he's called me up crying. He says he's been sober for past 2 days. I told him I don't want to get back together with him. It's really tough and I hate being single but I CAN'T get back with him. I know he may be telling me what I want to hear. I know that if i get back with him he'll start smoking again. It's not like he's been sober for months, 2 days really doesn't prove much. There's a high chance of relapse too. And besides, there were a lot of other issues. It's hard. I hate being single but I feel like I have to do this. I still have feelings for him and love him and care about him but we're just too different. I can't live or marry someone like this. I guess he's good enough for a boyfriend but not as a husband or father of my future kids. I feel bad- I hate when he cries. But I think he's starting to undertsand.

Well, you said this would happen. It's probably best you keep your distance for a while!

I've been off weed for 1 and 1/2 month, and I can tell you right now that I've not acheived anything yet.... and I still ocassionally get the thoughts to go back to my previous life-style (but I wont!) - so, IMO: 2 days without weed isn't really an indication of whether or not he is serious about stopping

Maybe tell him to come find you after 6months without drugs?

If he loves you then he'll do it - and in that time if you meet someone else (who makes you happy) then go for it, and don't feel bad for him - if he turns up 'clean' in 6months you'll of done him a favour.... even if you don't get back with him!!!

People like me and your ex-bf who have ****ed themselves up with constant smoking deserve a tough time (self inflicted after-all lol) - people like you who havent done drugs shouldn't have to deal with all the bullshit that comes along with them,

All the best,

[Unregistered]

thanks hummer thats great you've been off it for over a month, keep up the good work!

I agree-him being sober for 2 days doesn't prove that he's permanently quit or serious about quitting. Hopefully I'll find someone who's my type. I know I shouldn't be with someone because I feel bad. Better now than later; it's easier to break up than to get a divorce one day.

thanks again-- reading everyone's posts definately helps.

[Vatomofo]

I'm in the same situation with the ex-boyfriend. I am employed online...home base job. I got introduced to weed 2 years ago, months after I've gone out of Christianity. But I became a pothead just about 2 months ago. I smoke once a day but I really get ****ed up. I don't settle for the buzz...I really really get high. Aside from trippy movies like Perfume and Avatar, I watch BBC's awesome Planet Earth, Secret life of Chaos, and the one with Parallel Universe. I also watch all kinds of conspiracy theory videos. I love it...my correlating abilities are amplified for about 500 folds. Everything is a combination of patterns from events to thoughts to the physical state of things. I can connect the dots to everything (all-is-one moments). The side effect is that I became less angry in the world. No more bitterness. My disgust, hate, pity, and pangs of destruction for the entire human race are gone. I'm happier and my girl loves it. She supports me and even bakes for me. I'm living as much life that I can live as a middle class in this hellhole called the 3rd world. Instead of longing for deletion, I became interested with my fate. Instead of detesting existence and the unnecessity of the beginning, I'm not so much bothered by it anymore.

But I'm a little bit alarmed because my weed friends don't get my trip. Also among my weed buddies, I'm the one with the highest level of paranoia. So now, I always look forward to smoking weed alone daily. I don't smoke at any random time. I smoke after my work is done (Hey I got a system after all). My brother has a bipolar. He tried to kill himself twice already. I had very strong suicidal and self destructive tendencies...but are all gone since weed. My girlfriend adores & loves me dearly, and I love her back just the same. But I don't wana end up like the ex-boyfriend. Perhaps I'll deteriorate in the years to come? Perhaps I wont? Whatever works?

[BFB]

Hi Vatomofo and welcome.

I know what you mean, I too have experienced some pretty spiritual like states of mind while high, I studied Buddhism, kabala and various other elements of new age spirituality, some of which included some of that far out conspiracy type stuff, the matrix like 3d holographic nature of the physical world, ect, ect, you name it I was into it, still am it’s something I will always have an interest in, I too felt like I was joining up the dots, all whilst under the influence of a drug induced altered perception of reality, it really was quite a trip. And while I am not against people using drugs sometimes to experience those things, I do think it can be dangerous if you start to rely on them to create that artificial chemical induced experience all the time, as before you know it you have a drug habit and I don’t think developing a drug habit is what true spirituality is about, I am not saying that people can’t expand their minds and or even benefit in a spiritual type way from having these experiences, but at the end of the day it is still artificial, it is still chemical induced, all kinds of drugs that get you high can give you those kinds of experiences, but what you are experiencing is not the true nature of the reality you are in, if you do have a positive or what you feel to be a beneficial experience from doing such a thing, I think the real challenge is to apply that positive state of mind or whatever it is that you have learned or experienced into this reality, without having to use drugs all the time to do so, I think that’s the true emotional/psychological/spiritual challenge that we face, let’s face it anybody can feel good or at peace and content with the world by using drugs, the real spiritual challenge is to learn to do so without having to cheat by using artificial chemicals, that’s what I think true spirituality is about.

The other thing that I think you sometimes have to be careful of is the anxiety and paranoia you spoke of, this is something I too experienced big time, like I say smoking a lot of weed can be quite a trip and will take your mind to many places where it may not have usually went, but sometimes and depending on the individual it’s not always a good trip. The more and more you do it, the more and more the anxiety, paranoia and negative aspects can start to creep in and over time the more you do it the less it can make you a nicer person, paranoid people often aren’t and the more negatively it will affect your personality, consciousness and state of mind in general. Yes I experienced some pleasurable and insightful experiences, but in the end the trip turned bad and become more negative than positive, I am not saying this will definitely be the case for you, cannabis is a drug that different people can react to extremely differently, some people are just probably more biologically vulnerable in that way than others, even more so if mental illness runs in the family, which is why it’s something that is pretty important to keep an eye on, like I always say it’s very important to objectively monitor how you are reacting to it, which can be easier said than done as you perception is already artificially changed due to the nature of the situation. Anyway that’s just my take on it, but like you say whatever works well for you.

Take care and all the best.