So today is the day I'm starting quit smoking weed.Or at least try it.
I have to say english is not my native language so pardon any grammar or syntax errors (in case you read this =) )
I don't feel comfortable having a journal in text book so I've decided to keep my progress here.
Reading your stories,it's all too familiar and very similar.I am 24,soon 25.Been smoking for about 10 years and about 6 years I've been high mostly all day,every day.
I go to college,I'm only half way through even tho I should be well done with it.My parents of course have no clue what i spend all my money on.
I have tried to quit few times,but every time i relapse after few days.So i came to conclusion i can't live without weed and kinda accepted that.
But since begining of this year i started to notice how in fact marijuana has left a deep scar on my emotional state as well as my way of thinking.
Ok so,yesterday i got rid of all my bongs,rizla papers,hidden stashes and i've deleted numbers of anyone that can score some weed,even tho im sure ill get sms or phonecall soon from my good dealers to ask me if i need anything ..
I have to say this is the first time in my life that something hit me like a truck and such an obvious fact came to realisation >>I'M ADDICTED<< and its truly ruining my life.Im a mere shell of a person i once was and i dont want to be this person anymore.None of my family even thinks i have anything to do with weed.All my friends except 1 (who is in same position as me) dont have a clue how much i smoke.I smoke about 5g / day.
Becoming a slave to this green demon has really got me depressed so much,I cry alot,every day at least..especialy in the morning.
Most of my friends are stoners ,but also not every day stoners,more like 1-2 / month.
I tought i could do the same..what a trap ive fell into. Life has turned in nothing more then smoking and thinking when do i need to score more,worrying about money for it.
I have all the things needed to have a beautiful life,safe job,my parents are respected people in my city and im throwing it all away for this **** ...
I have never ever felt so disguisted with myself and with weed.I truly hate it and i truly love it.
Anyway,i smoked last time yesterday with a friend and told him im gonna take a little brake.I dont want to tell them i plan to quit for good cuz id feel really shitty if i relapse and im not sure if i will or not.
I do have STRONG STRONG desire to quit,ive lost soooooo much during this 6-7 years and for what ............................ for what Huh? lying on bed stoned ,staring at computer screen doing NOTHING ,my friends calling me out,for a beer,for football,basketball ...and no,i always lie that i got some stuff to do,and after some time they normally stopped calling.Most of them are finished w college,have bright future ,i could have been among them if i only didnt start this **** ..
Ok,that's enough for today,its still early, i went to gym ,later im going to play some sports with friends,excerise helps me so much.
I know ill be having withdraw symptoms soon,im not scared of that so much as im scared that my character is weak and ill just get back to my old self.
Cya soon !
Yesterday my friend offered me to smoke with him and to my own surprise i said NO .This may seem little but to me this is great success!
Had some problems falling asleep but nothing too serious ,wild dreams all thru the night.
So anyway,day 2,went to gym.My mind is still strongly set up to quit smoking,I would like to be high ofc but i just remember how much i've lost because of my high and instantly that desire passes.
I have alot to study,my terms are closing in,i can not fail,i admit it is pretty hard to concentrate with my mood swings and constant anxiety.
And i smoke cigarettes like crazy,2 packs a day,i never smoked this much but i guess its kinda substitution for weed.
Day is still early here,i hope i get thru it.I talked to few of my hard stoner friends about me quitting (well i told them im just gonna take a brake,but infact i dont wanna smoke ever again) and they laughed at me,told me i will not get by a week without smoking and that just gave me more motivation.
I'll update maybe later,maybe tomorrow. I do have to admit it is kinda nice being sober =) .We'll see how it goes.
Day 2 ending; feeling so depressed I could kill myself, not cuz of missing weed but I ran into few people whom I spent alot of time smoking, they offered me to smoke with them, I did refuse, got into argument about marijuana addiction, and they all laughed at me, so hard. If they only knew...
ps. I know this is a forum,not a blog,please warn me if i should move this posting onto another section because i know bumping threads is not really appropriate.