Marijuana-So tempted to relapse

[troubledmind]

Hi I'm new here. It seems I didn't even notice the seriousness of my addiction/dependence until January. After almost 6 years smoking cannabis was bringing me down or at least that was when I realized. Honestly, I have never been too realistic about my future and have always looked for quick satisfactions, so I guess these aspects of my personality made me even more vulnerable to cannabis dependence because as we all know its the feeling of instant well-being that keeps us hooked in many cases.
At school, around 16yrs old, my friend fell into a small crowd of stoners and so I curiously observed to see if there were ill effects. I saw more joy in them that I wanted some and so it started. Being with stoners made me feel great, although really its probably the weed enhancing the situations... actually definitely. I neglected my other schoolm8s and I am so so sorry that I did. Now they are successes of some kind, jobs, girlfriends, career prospects and social lives that I don't feel a part of because I have not lived up to a normal standard.
I have had trouble with study for years and now I fear it is too late to change, like I've lost hope. People seem to grasp conversation and meeting new people so much easier than I. I seem to forget who I am around most and sometimes all people and it worries me so much because I'm missing out on a somewhat successful life. Are things really going to change, because I am losing hope that I thought I had.
Yesterday I was so depressed I was thinking that no-one would miss me and that even my family would get over me quick enough. I spend alot of time alone and only once a week with friends, who are stoners, and there something like I want to be comfortable around them but I end up being quiet and isolated. I think I'll make a doctors appointment soon, I've already recieved some therapy but I feel like I need a life coach or something to really change my ways.
I know in my good heart I should not start the smoke again but then I think, is this worth it? How low must I feel, I guess this is punishment for the false highs. I want to be my good old self again, who could be more open and learn easier and work effectively without so much difficulty. If you read my rant, thanks and well done.

[needabreak]

looking for quick fixes and easy got highs?aye i know wat u mean-its easy to look around at society today and feel left behind-that the happiness and success u see in others will never be achieved by ourselves-but that facade is only wat u see-never judge happiness in life by wat its decorated in dude-

there's 2 things i'd look at dude-one is smoking and becoming reliant on it to get threw ur day-people'll say they dont like to go without pot because it makes them cranky etc-its that comfort zone ur brain wants-that feeling that things that matter dont matter-wen ur not stoned u got tiings to think about-solutions to find to every day stuff-wen ur a stoner like i was all u think about is getting stoned-life's a lot more simple-but once it becomes a problem then its hard to stop-the other thing is spending too much time on ur own-and melt th 2 together-smoking too much pot and spending too much time on ur own is a recipe for sending ur own head so far up ur ar'se it'll hard to get it back down again-i been overdoing pot bigtime for 6 or 7 years-not all in one go-the hill back out got gradually steeper and steeper and i didnt notice-i was stoned 24/7 for years-i dont even know if i'll pull it back now but i'm gona try-its tough-addiction is tough-when one aint happy with a buzless brain one can get a bit lost in life-if ur smoking worries u then u do right to look at it and see wat needs to be done-

so the way i see it u'v 2 things to do-look at ur smoking intake and look at how u spend ur week-wen we cut ourselves off from people its hard to get back into that sociable zone we used to fit into naturally-it can affect our self esteem and general way of looking at the world around us-i know its had a negative effect on me-we can all turn it around if we try hard enough-with the right guidance we can understand ourselves a bit better and understand why we have this need to detach ourselves from the world-cause the world aint all bad-

this is a great site to help u understand it better-and move on with ur life-i'll guess at 40 i'm older than u-and i aint given up hope -neither should u dude-there's always hope-sometimes we lose sight of it-but its always there-good luck-i hope u find the way to see that hope up ahead dude-

[Unregistered]

Hi guys yesterday was my first birthday clean for 37 years i just can't believe it,all your posts have helped so much i am so glad i found this site . Now if i can only learn how to use this computer properly it will be two good things i've done this year who says you can't teach old dogs new tricks thankyou everyone Dale.

[BFB]

Hi troubledmind welcome.

I know how you feel, I have not smoked for years and even now feel tempted to relapse sometimes, I still know people who could get me it within half an hour if I wanted it. It’s something I still have to struggle with from time to time. But so far I have not cracked, if you are really struggling it might be a good idea to write a list of all the reasons you wanted to quit and whenever you feel the need read it, maybe even try to add to it if there’s anything else you can think of. Another good idea is to write down whatever you are feeling and post it to a support group like this, which is basically what you have done, so good on you there. Don’t worry we all feel like we are going to crack from time to time, but the important thing is that you have not, well done keep it up and stay strong.

Take care, thanks for sharing and anytime you feel like you are about to crack come and tell us about it.

[Unregistered]

Im new here given up 7 months still dont feel right. Long after the ritual habit of smoking is gone the fallout is left the feeling out of place the boredom the restlessness. Dont wanna discourage anyone but 7 months on i get the feeling that when u introduce a drug like cannabis daily to the fragile human brain despite its status as a so called soft drug i dont think life will ever be the same again. This is my experience so much high from the chemical rush of smoking it nothing else after really satisfies without it

[troubledmind]

I'm so thankful I can reach out with ease to some who'll understand as you know its not easy when being so reclusive and having a few stoner friends.
After typing here I spent some time with my family. I love my family and I couldn't understand why they put up with me, I see it as that anyway. But that is love like family isn't it, like they see good in me and know that I have difficulties but they accept me for who I am and am feeling like. They love me more than I do myself, I am annoyed that I can not live up to others and have credible skills of my own, my emotional instability etc. Smoking pot has prevented me from maturing my emotional control, willpower and has given me extreme good feelings without anything really meaningful to feel good about.
I am out of the dumps, for now at least, this is probably due to the distractions and less time to dwell, though still I know I am not normal yet and I'm gonna have to stick this depression out for a long time. Oh and I was called for a job interview (form not so wasted this time!) so that was a great ego boost. Hoping I'll get the job now and restore some pride in me, we'll see.
Forumblogger, I made that list months ago and still had a relapse because I was feeling so tragic, my supply is only 5mins away. But the more I relapse, the more I have to go through this hard time so now I get into thinking its too much effort for such a bad thing for me, then I'll start doing something with my mind off the weed. And if you can do without it, so can I.
P.S. Been dreaming alot

[needabreak]

hey troubled mind here are a few suggestions to try-

think about how u feel wen ur stoned-
think about why u want to get stoned-
think about wen and wer the problem gets worse-
think about wat it is that u want-and give urself realistic timescales to achieve these-u'll not change everything in one go-but lots of small things help-

i'd advise u to write an a4 page on these and see wer it takes u-both to understand wer u are and how u might get free of these feelings-

like lots of places pot will always be so handy-we gotta understand wat it does to us so that we can change the need thats inside us-i'm in the same boat as urself-so i dont know if its the answer-might be worth a go-good luck dude-

[troubledmind]

In the first few months of quitting I kind of did that writing automatically as I relapsed over and over and writing my reasons to quit really helped. Still, it's hard when around my stoner mates and they are being humorous, social and intelligent. I think I have some mild frontal lobe damage due to my ignorance of my mental state which is in turn effecting so many aspects of my life that I have limited potential to be normal and instead I am a depressed, socially excluded hermit who hates himself for this. My main issue I think is these and I was forgetting about these through weed, and now its even worse. Still, I hope I'll ride it out and gain some proper social functionality, my personality will prosper and gain some IQ points but as good as it sounds it seems a long way off.
As you can see my problems are deeper than just wanting to get high and I reckon this is the case for many stoners, alcoholics and other substance abusers. But if I give my mind this recovery time hopefully it'll have enough time to mature and then I can deal with life's matters and my problems in better ways.
Don't quit quitting.

[yourfriend]

Well I just stumbled upon this thread on an alone night surfing shit and waiting for my girlfriend to get back home and get online ( she lives in a different country from where I was deported for having flakes of weed) lemme introduce myself, I am from India but I was born n raised in the middle east, parents split when I was young, but did get through school n stuff, cldnt complete college cos I was too much into luxury and had ( still have ) the laziest ass in the world.... Started pot when I was abt 20, and loved it..... But it was on n off at first cos I kept moving back n forth between India and Dubai and u dont get pot in Dubai, then had a period of longer stay in India and the love affair with pot began..... I really really loved it, opened my mind to lotta things, revealed myself to me and the usual energy story which you stoners knw abt..... Though from not a rich family my mom always provided for me, I spent and still spend her money recklessly on traveling and shit, been to 20+ countries in the past 4 years and until abt 6 months ago it was just to drink and smoke pot and chill, but I quit cos my life was going nowhere, no degree no job and I was avoiding my girlfriend, who is an absolute angel, so good at heart and is crazy in love with a loser like me who was deported and cldnt see her anymore, she just never stopped loving me n neither did I, though we had just met twice or thrice and all we did was kiss once, sounds stupid but such things and such girls still exist, maybe that's why the world ain't totally doomed. Ok back to pot, I smoked shit in many countries and in many ways, really understood the high, then it started to backfire, paranoia, memory problems and the usual... Which made me stop! its been 6 months now and I have forgotten wat weed is. It wasn't easy but not impossible either, guys weed is kinda good and kinda bad too, but I would say don't smoke, just stalls your life. It's been 6 months and in that time I got a TEFL certification and the biggest accomplishment.... I met my girl! After 4 years, spent an afternoon with her! Life is gettin back on track but I desperately need to get a job! Then look further ahead, maybe I said all abt myself and nothing to help others, but hey..... Don't lose hope in life, and don't lose love..... Weed gave me depth, told me wats important in life to be happy..... It's love! Pure unconditional love!

[BFB]

Thanks for sharing your story, I don’t agree that you have to smoke weed to understand love and learn what’s important in life, plenty of people who don’t are also capable of that, I think those sort of reasons for smoking are the classic stoner justifications, you know the kind of stuff, I can’t be spiritual without it and all that kind of thing, I think you can but it just may take a bit more work that’s all, but I know what you are saying it isn’t all bad, there are some good sides to it too otherwise let’s face it none of us would have started, it’s just in the end the good can outweigh the bad and before you know it your life has passed you by in a puff of smoke.

All the best,