Hi,

I am a 27 year old male who lives in South Arizona. I have been chronically smoking weed for about 8 years since sophomore year of college. I am finally trying to quit for good.

At first I started smoking with friends who I hung out with 2-3 times a week. Then I started to hang out with these friends daily; we would go out to drink and smoke almost every day. I was still doing well in school so I didn't think much of it. After the school year I started to buy weed on my own have been steadily using more, especially in graduate school. Along the way my relationships with my parents has been troubled and I no longer have any close friends who do not smoke weed. Not surprisingly my love life is currently non-existent.

The worst part is all of these problems is how they came slowly over time and I did nothing to stop it and just smoked more weed. Smoking weed right now helps me forget my life which I dislike but it's also the reason for it.

I started to smoke weed because I was insecure and I didn't like who I was. Looking back now I really miss the old me and want him to come back.

Thanks all for your support,
MZ

First off, I want to say I knew my bf was a pothead when I started dating him, so I take full responsibility for that. He's also done other party drugs in the past, such as ecstasy and LSD, on occasion, though pot is definitely his "thing." I, on the other hand, am not into drugs, other than indulging in pot maybe a couple times a year.

I'm having a hard time because my bf doesn't seem to fall in to the standard "pothead" mold, so I can't find similar situations online to compare mine to. He's intelligent (outside of poor decisions concerning substances), sweet and supportive, loyal, and has a great, high-paying job he works really hard at. And this having not gone to college (he didn't have the money for it.) He's NOT lazy or irresponsible, though he does tend to leave things to the last minute (this, of course, may have nothing to do with being a pothead since I know plenty of non-stoners like this.)

Anyways, we've been dating about a year and a half. Six months into our relationship, I realized I really didn't want to be dating a pothead. It wasn't specifically anything that happened, just this constant nagging dislike of him smoking on a daily basis. We discussed this, and after a couple days of thought, he decided that he didn't want us to break up, and that he thought I came into his life to get him away from pot. After that, he started cutting back, and quit for about a week, but then started up again.

Now, I KNOW quitting any habit is hard, so I've really tried to be patient and supportive. I know change doesn't happen overnight. It takes time. I've stopped him from smoking a few times, other times I've not, knowing that he has to be making the decisions to smoke or not. But nothing has really changed.

I know part of the problem is that he smokes to deal with some mild anxiety and depression. But pot affects your brain chemicals, so I believe that pot may actually be causing some of those issues, and if he could quit for extended period of time he might equalize. I try to be sensitive to his issues, since also have anxiety and depression issues, but I choose not to medicate (except for occasionally taking Xanax-prescribed-when I have an onset of bad anxiety. I have been on anti-depressants in the past, but found they weren't really effective enough for me to warrant using them, especially as my issues are rather mild.)

Outside of the pot issue, he's a great boyfriend. We have a great time together. He's great with kids and has the makings of a great father. But I feel sick at the idea of marrying or having kids with someone who can't deal with their everyday issues without resorting to getting high. I keep thinking "My friends all have great husbands and don't have to deal with substance issues." But I'm also in my early 30s and prior to meeting my bf I was single for many years, so I'm terrified of not being able to find someone I click with again, given how hard it seems to be for me. (I'm not crazy or anything, I'm actually a very normal, mature woman, the person everyone says 'I can't believe you're still single!' to. Heck, my bf even said that to me many times when we started dating. I just seem to have horrible luck in meeting people.)

So recently I visited his hometown with him for the first time. We were going to meet up with some of his friends, all potheads, so of course they wanted to get together, and getting together invariably means smoking. I was NOT cool with this. One, I hate how potheads' lives seem to revolve around smoking before, during, and after everything they do. Two, my bf and I live in a decriminalized state, but his hometown is in a state with very harsh drug laws. He's actually gotten in trouble for possession there a couple of times (not out of irresponsibility, rather once out of plain bad luck, and once because of illegal search by a cop, ultimately thrown out. Had the same things happened where he lives now, he prob wouldn't even have been ticketed.)

Anyways, me objecting to getting together with his friends to smoke triggered a huge fight-really our first BIG fight. I didn't want to smoke or be around people smoking, and i wanted him to not smoke, but i also felt really guilty about keeping him from his friends (even though I think they were very immature, despite being in their late 20s.) It was just a miserable experience all around. We argued about him not quitting despite his promises, and I kept expecting him to say he actually didn't want to quit, but instead he kept acting like he still WANTED to and that I should just be supportive. I asked how i could be supportive when I was seeing zero improvement after a whole year. :(

A few more things. My bf does not have pothead friends where we live, outside of his dealer. And despite acting like he still wants to quit, he lights up (figuratively) when discussing pot (such as recent pot law changes, or when talking with his friend about part parties where they've smoked, etc.) It genuine seems to make him happy. So I feel like i have no right to take something like that away from him, even though I know how unhealthy it is. Sometimes I feel like he's just waiting for it to be legalized so he can feel justified, but alcohol is legal and that doesn't make people not alcoholics.

And I'm not anti-pot. At least, I wasn't until I met my bf. I enjoyed it occasionally. I didn't think it would bother me as much as it ended up bothering me, partially because I'd never dated a pothead before. Now it just makes me feel sad, because it feels like it's keeping an amazing partner from being 100% right for me. Frankly, I'm somewhat surprised my bf hasn't broken up with me, considering the stance I've taken.

I keep looking for a solution, but the only ones I keep coming back to is either 1) he finally realizes that pot addiction is not good for him and he quits or 2) we break up. And it seems like only one of those things is going to happen, and it breaks my heart. I guess I'm just looking for advice, or support, or maybe just stories from anyone who has gone through a similar situation, especially from the other side of it.

Thanks and sorry for the long post.

hey peeps.

just a quick update on my progress. i'm on day 14 today, and i am happy to say that i am doing ok. apart from the mood swings, crazy dreams and f****d up sleep patterns. it's weird, but i havent remembered my dreams for a long time. they've been very weird dreams but in a way, it's nice to remember them whem i wake up. so not feelin the best, still feel very lonely, and life still seems pretty crap, even more so since quitting the only pleasure i had in my day. however, i'm really pleased with my progress and proud of myself for quitting the shit!! i find taking it one day at a time keeps me strong, but it will always be something i will need to avoid doing, as i know how easy it would be to fall back into. my ex girlfriend from 7 years ago was an alcoholic, we split up cos i couldnt cope with seeing her destroy herself. She always said smoking was as bad as drinking. i didn't agree but now that i have gone through the process of stopping smoking, i have to admit, she was right. it may not be as volatile an effect but it is 'all consuming' and a waste of time, money, and happiness, i'm proud of her for quitting the drink, and i'm sure she'd be proud of me for stopping smoking. it's been a long time since i've seen her, but the last couple of weeks has made me think about how hard it must've been for her to quit drinking.

so, there is hope for all of us. i know i am on a more positive path than i was two weeks ago, and am confident that my life will improve, as more days pass without smoking. we have to keep going, as there really is light at the end of the tunnel

Hi all, where do i start. Well I have been smoking weed for 20 years I have recently turned 40 and have decided to quit again. I say again as I have given up before when my wife had enough of me accusing her of seeing her boss about 3 years ago. Would not leave her alone, pestering her all day seeing where she was and driving around where she was at. I think about it now and it makes me think what a **** for doing it. She kicked me out just before Christmas 2009. I went back to my parents in London and went through a whole lot of emotions, but I done it. It was a bad 2 months as I had to try and cope with a possible divorce also but I felt great, got a new job in London and was saving money things couldn't of been better. Was at work one day and had a phone call from my wife asking me to come back, I dropped everything and went back with no hesitation, things were on the mend and everyone noticed I was a changed man, more loving and caring. 2 months being back I said to my wife 1 night I think I can handle smoking again could I go and get some. She said yes as everything was ok. Well I started again and 3 years later on I'm back in the same position. I'm not accusing her of anything I'm just being really horrible and saying nasty comments,real nasty and it's not me. I am still with her and its my third day not smoking. But this time I get so emotional and cry. Today I have burst into crying 3 times. I think she understands but I'm pushing her away and I love her with all my heart she means the world to me. So I thought I would join this forum and talk to people to help each other through giving up that evil thing called WEED. Had a tear writing this, big softy

Hi all, I found this site in the middle of the night when I awoke in a pool of my own sweat. Yeah, day two, kind of. I started quitting yesterday, then scraped the hell out of a bowl around 3pm and got one hit which didn't get me high but staved off my irritability and headache. I also ate for the first time all day.

I am a marijuana addict and have been for 22 years. I've quit off and on for a few days, weeks at a time, and I need to quit again. It's just keeping me from doing what I should be doing in this world, namely working harder, working smarter, getting more done and helping others. I smoked every day, all day, at every job I've ever had, about a quarter ounce a week. The weed has been getting stronger and stronger as time goes by, and my self-loathing is right on par with that increase. I'm barely keeping up appearances.

Glad this forum is here. The stories resonate with me obviously. We all have something in common...

So my dealer is a phone call away but I think I'll put in my running shoes and got jog instead.

I am in a very weak, vulnerable place at the moment. Clearly. Thanks for listening...

I'm 27 years old and I have 16 months of absolute sobriety after being a three-time-a-day smoker for 10 years.

It took me a long time to realize the drug had a destructive influence on me. Sure, I was making straight A's and all that, but I could've done so much better. I hid behind my grades to convince myself that I was living life to the fullest, when in fact, I wasn't. I lost many friends due to years-long isolation. I nearly got fired from my college newspaper because I stayed at home and smoked all day. The thing is, I remember a time where I thought to myself, "Screw this. I don't need friends. I've got my best friend right here in this bag."

Turns out, what I thought was my best friend turned into my worst enemy.

I remember the night it happened. There was an argument between my parents and I. I'm not really sure how it started, but it was one in a series of manic, intensely heated arguments that had happened over a couple weeks. Well, suffice to say, they'd had enough. They called the cops and they took me away to an institution. My appearance and hygiene were dead giveaways. I had long, matted hair with a knot in the back. My socks hadn't been changed in 3 days. I gave off an offensive odor, I gave off an offensive attitude.

I'm not gonna bore you with the details of my experience in the psych ward. I'm sure you've all seen One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. many times. But the staff told me one important thing: pot had at least exacerbated my mental symptoms, if not downright caused it. This was a terrifying fact for me. How could a drug like marijuana, which I'd been told time and again was safe and not addictive, have caused all this? This was my first denial defense mechanism. The doctors were nuts; I was right.

Over the course of two more psychiatric hospitalizations, I finally developed awareness. Something had gone wrong with my brain, and that something was, in large part, marijuana. It took over three more years from my first hospitalization to realize I needed to stop. And when I did, I stopped cold turkey. I am no longer terrified of a life without marijuana. I can picture the rest of my life without a gravity-bong hit.

But I still have cravings, and this is why I chose to come to this board. I still need help, and I really relish the opportunity to help those in their first year. And for those who have co-occurring disorders such as schizophrenia or bipolar, I'd really like to get to know you.

Hello,
First-time poster; have stumbled upon this site a couple times over last few months during various attempts to quit and have found it to be very helpful and therapeutic. I do not feel the need to give my full story as it would mirror what so many others have covered, short version is: I smoked daily for 9 years and I have 2 questions maybe someone could answer. After quitting, I usually do NOT struggle with day 1, 2, or 3 as much as I do with days 4-7. I do not know if symptoms get better for me beyond day 7 personally because the longest I have went is 15 days years ago and one symptom (among the others i.e. insomnia, night sweats, etc) that I have is brain pain, and it doesn't seem to subside (the other symptoms did slightly).

The pain is similar to a headache, but I honestly feel like pain of the brain is a better description. I can actually feel my brain pulsating underneath my skull, as if the neurons and receptors in this complex organ are just in disarray and moving in all sorts of directions to try to cope with the lack of THC. Intense exercise makes it go away for an hour or two, as does eating a really healthy meal, but it keeps coming back and is extremely frustrating and painful. Pretty much any activity that naturally releases endorphins will tame the brain pain for a short time, but it keeps coming back.

My 2 questions for any readers who have a thought are as follows:
1) Has anyone else experienced this brain pain as I am describing and possibly found a way to soothe it? How long does it take to subside after quitting cold?
2) Anyone else struggled particularly breaking through days 4-7? Any strategies that helped you once you made it to this point to break through?

Thank you in advanced for any thoughtful replies...

Hey, My name is Kieran and I'm 24 years old. I have been smoking weed since i was 13/14. it started off as occasional use but for the last 6 years it has been a daily habit. 24/7 wake and bake style. i was waking up, hitting a bong before my shower and then a joint on the way into work, then making can pipes at work and sneaking off to the toilers armed with air freshener to smoke. When i would get in from work i would have a bong whilst boiling the kettle. my day would continue like that until i slept and it was time to wake up and start over.

I get that a lot of the threads on here effectively say a lot of the same things but i wanted to post anyway because i have been reading other peoples posts for a few days and now that I've finally ran out of green i think its time to stop. Again, like most people on her, i have tried to give up before loads of times but i have next to no will power and cave at the slightest thought of it. when i don't have smoke i drink like a fish. its sobriety i struggle with. I suffer with depression and although i feel like weed is the cause its also the only thing that truly helps. i get that if i could just stay off it long enough my outlook would most likely change its just getting to that stage is going to be hard work. I think that this site will be a huge factor in getting me there. i see the support and understanding that goes on here and feel like that could be key.

I have so much i would like to talk about, the way my life feels and the numbness i feel to everyone and everything in it but i cant find the words. i have had experiences with voices in my head and "conversations with my inner self" that i would like to explain and get advise on but i don't know how to talk about it. all i know is that what i felt, felt real. i believed that the man in the mirror wasn't me, but a version of me, who told me it was 100% time to stop smoking, but still i continued. i even went through a phase that every time i smoked i would be violently sick, guess what i done? yep, you got it. Just kept on smoking. what kind of mess must my head be in if i kept going knowing that it would literally have me on my knees vomiting?

I haven't smoked any today and am already starting to feel clammy and scared. i cant remember the last time i interacted with somebody truly sober. i struggle with people in general anyway. even when high i just want to rip their heads off, what am i going to be like in the coming weeks/months? My work is night-shift so i have a fairly anti social sleeping pattern which is a good way to avoid people and its only a select group of guys i work with but i would happily kill several of them. i think if i could get away with it i would have already, god knows i fantasize about it enough. Today is the first days of a weeks holiday for me though so i can lock myself away this week and hope to get over the worst of it whilst sheltering myself from any human interaction. i just know that come next sunday when its time for work the fear and paranoia are going to be crippling. i just want to be a healthy guy that looks forward to life instead of this shadow that i am, waiting on a "tragic" accident to befall me or a disease to claim me.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I look forward to reading anything anyone might have to say. Good luck to you all with your personal battles.

Kieran, Day 1.

my story is gonna jump around a bit because im not sure where to start but here goes..
im from canada where you can get some of the strongest kush from anywhere. weed has been my best friend, lover, confidant for the past 16 years.im 32.during that time i might have had to go a total of 14 days without. 2 weeks in 16 years.wow, thats a lot of weed..like they say,"you cant get addicted to weed" right? Bull s@*t.the thing is, it took me nearly losing everything to realize that. i never smoked in high school but one i was done, i had a lot of spare time on my hands, wasnt going to university for another year so i looked at it as "time to party" right?! well once i started smoking, that was it, i wanted it all the time...and i mean all the time. cant remember how much i smoked at the beginning, at least a gram a day. but for the past 10 years, id be lucky to have a half ounce last me 5 days. id wake up, smoke a couple bowls, i would find places to smoke at work, im sure i smoked at least a gram a day just at work alone. come home smoke, smoke before meal, after meal, have a bunch more throughout the night, smoke a few before bed then start all over the next day. i thought i was living the life. if i had a bag of weed and a means to smoke it, i was good to go, put me anywhere, anytime and i wouldnt care. weed was like my security blanket. if i had to go somewhere without it, it was the only thing on my mind. "when am i gonna get home? i need to smoke" always checking the time, seeing if i could get away from wherever i was because i needed to get home and smoke. but im not addicted i would tell myself, i just really like it, its not like i was going out drinking all the time so its ok. lol. wrong. WRONG!! about 5 years ago, i started dating my wife. we met through mutual friends and things went great, i even cut down on the smoking because i loved going out and doing stuff with her, i would still think about it, but i could cope. that was in the summer, come fall, she had to go back to school so i would only be able to see her on the weekends for a year, that sucked ballz. i started back up on the 4ish grams per day and never looked back. i was depressed. i missed her. but i got over it, nothing bothers you for long when you are stoned out of your mind 24/7. if i wasnt at work, i would sit with the tv on, in front of the computer all day and night, smoking, watching tv, smoking, playing vids, smoking, watching porn...so much porn.. lol (im glad after reading a lot of the posts here that im not the only one) thats when i started hating myself. here i have an amazing, smart, beautiful girl friend, albeit not always there, but so what, going to school, trying to make something out of her life, and here i am, smoking smoking smoking and watching more porn then i think one person should watch in a lifetime. WTF is wrong with me id say after id finish up, but then forget all about it by smoking more. the guilt and shame could get so bad, i figured i needed to smoke just to stay calm. this went on for a year until she finished school and then we moved in together. ok. no more porn, shes here, cut back on the weed, shes here. right? nope. after awhile, she asked me if i even get high because i smoke so much, id tell her not really, it was more just a calming thing for my overactive brain, and i love the taste. i dont think she bought it but i smoked myself into believing she did. life was like this for a few years then we went on a family trip to mexico. ok, 2 weeks, no weed, i can do this. nope. lol. second day i picked up some of the grossest looking mexican ditch weed. almost more seed then weed. it was awful and amazing at the same time. i proposed on top of a pyramid, she said yes! and life was good. my relationship history is difficult to describe, my first gf was molested by her step dad so it was a difficult intimate relationship, the second was actually a friend who was engaged and we just kinda started sleeping together, just fun at first but then we started falling for each other. me much harder for her then for me. this went on for 3 f'n years, by then i had convinced myself that she would leave him for me. wrong. she did manage to keep him from killing me though so thats good. oh and she got pregnant with my kid and had an abortion. lets just say, i was pretty messed up when that was all aid and done. now im with my current wife, gf at the time, and it scares the sh*t out of me. i dont think im good enough for her so i smoke and smoke and smoke until i convince myself its all good. i start getting moody and depressed i just smoke it all away. and then the paranoia came. not the oh shit its the cops kind, the wandering mind making sh*t up thing. she plays and refs sports so she can be gone a lot, a warped mind like mine can turn that into, shes seeing someone else or cheating on you pretty easily i guess because thats what i thought on more then one occasion. and instead of talking to her about it, what do i do? just smoke until its better. that works for a bit, then you just gotta smoke more and more. she could tell i was distant but just thought i was losing interest in her or something. her ex started sending her a few texts and she would chat back, i found out.... and did nothing....moped smoked and felt depressed. ive never been the ladies man, so i figured if she was gonna cheat on me, i see what kind of girls are out there. i went on pof for a few days, chatted with a few questionable ladies, and felt awful. just awful. i felt guilty as hell. the self esteem took a hit too beacuse i showed my pic to a few girls after we'd chat a bit and i wouldnt even get a "no thanks, youre not my type", didnt know i was that ugly. lol finally we talked about it,the texting, not my stuff, she wasnt sure i loved her, i assured her i did, which i do, and we got past it. we got married, got a house, and things were good for awhile. i guess. paying bills and smoking as much as i did was rough, id go to money mart for payday loans for weed, which is a hard viscious circle to break. instead of just stopping smoking so much so i could pay back the loans, id borrow from whomever i could, i sold anything i had that had any monetary value just to buy weed. ive stolen thousands, thats right, THOUSANDS of dollars over the years from various employers, never getting caught, thank god, id probably still be in jail today if i did. but i could always juggle the money good enough that there was always enough there to cover bills and stuff and not let her know how broke i was. sometimes she knew so id just say i lent some to someone or a silly night at the VLT's, anything to get her to leave me alone about it. i havent seen my family except on holidays for years because i simply could not be bothered to get my lazy, stoned ass off the couch. id rather just sit around and smoke. ive lost a lot of friends because they dont smoke, i figured screw them, more for me!

The last 2 years have been really rough on me. I used to work fulltime in a psychiatric unit and being a nursing student, until there was a devastating 'incident' in my family. I don't call it an accident because it wasn't an accident. My husband was beaten so badly that he was in a coma for 4 weeks and had to have 5 parts of his skull removed, we almost lost him during that time. During his 3 month stay in hospitals while he recuperated, we got the diagnosis that our (at the time he was 2 1/2 years old) son was autistic. 2 months later he started having uncontrollable seizures, out of the blue! He spent weeks at Childrens Hospital, then we got the diagnosis that he has epilepsy. I then got laid off of my job, many of us did. i had to quit nursing school because it was super intense and was an accelerated program, not to mention very expensive, and I just wouldn't be able to manage. I smoked marijuana many times off and on over the last 10 years but during this time... i needed something to keep me calm and relaxed and able to function. It's been 2 years now of daily smoking... in the last 4 months ive tried quitting but with no success. Just recently i realized that i needed to do something to get my family out of this rut.... I'm always on edge, not because of the weed, but on edge that "something" will happen with my family. My husband also now has a seizure disorder because of the beating. I was self medicating because of all the anxiety, stress and depression in my life. I have alot on my plate, i am in no way complaining, but with everything that has happened in the last 2 years and with 2 kids under the age of 5, its tough. :( I have decided to go back to school... one of the requirements is a drug test and i knew i wouldn't pass, and i didn't want to have to resort to shady crap like a fake pee test... i want to do it legit. So yesterday was my last hit... i really enjoyed it too. But now its been day 1 since last smoking... i feel very anxious but i know my goal is far more motivation... my kids are my motivation.. my family. I used to smoke with no problem of going days or weeks without it.. i was a social smoker. But after this happened to our family.. i depended on it like crazy to keep me going. I started noticing some short term memory being affected, not only that but the last time i quit about a month ago i started working out and when i fell off the wagon and started smoking again, yes i was calmer and enjoyed the feeling but i also got lazy and stopped working out. Im very serious about this now because of that drug test im going to have to take in August to be able to start my school program... i cant fail my family... i need this license to give my family a good live, to get us out of this rut like i mentioned above. I couldn't sleep last night, i had restless leg syndrome and just tossed and turned with anxiety. Nobody really knows how into weed i was... my husband knew it helped me take the edge off, my friend knew and that was it. I made an appointment with a therapist, not just for what im trying to do here and quit weed, but to also talk about all the drama that happened and how its affected me. I never thought I'd NEED marijuana and when i realized it became a problem.. and i recognized it i knew something had to be done about it. Im sorry for just rambling on and on.. but i needed to get this off my chest... This is going to be tough... i know it. But it has to be done... in the last 2 years my life has just been at a standstill, (with all the legal issues regarding my husbands case and some other things) but i have no motivation, not even to go to the grocery store. NOTHING!! I want to be happy again... and i know weed has been holding me back... i always had to figure out how or when I'd get my next MJ fix... but i don't want that anymore..... I hope i can do this... i know i could. I dont know... i feel a bit lost and alone. Im barely on day one and i cant stop thinking of it... but i keep saying to myself "YOU CAN DO THIS! YOU NEED TO DO THIS.. FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!" I want to improve my memory as well because going for a state license in psychiatric tech care require alot of focus and concentration... i need my regular sleep back. Im tired of waking up with aches and pains, at times waking up crying and depressed.. so i would go out and self medicate to feel better. My anxiety is bad... i think the biggest LIGHTBULB going off in my head was knowing that I'd have to kick the habit first to regain my life, get back in control, sober-clear headed... Ive dealt with everything in the last 2 years pretty well if i do say so myself.. but in the back of my mind i know my little secret was because more than half the time I'd go away from everyone and smoke... but i don't want to depend on it... i shouldn't have to. What do you guys think? Any words of advice?

Hey there fellow repented "cannabitarians": I call myself "The Unvoluntary Lone Ranger" because I lost my Fiancée over my vaporized weed consumption that turned her off. I say "turned off" because I will not have the chance to put her through the same again (good for her): "deal breaker" she had already warned me in the past. Also at work i have become very intolerant with everyone including my bosses (snapping back at them), and only have a couple of friends left in colleagues with dramas of their own.

Now I have been 10 days without vaporizing weed and feel stronger every day. My patience comes back little by little as my paranoia walks away, every time I feel weak I write a journal to remind me that the hardest is always the 1st day of soberness. To remind me of those feelings that made me feel like shit. That if I appreciate myself enough, I shouldn't take the long road of relapsing; enjoy it sure -but for short lasting moments-; just to go back to hell of (early) soberness.

I send all my support to everyone of you that are also fighting this battle against any substance, and against who we have been so far. Because drugs and guns are not the problem, but the usage we give them. If you are not responsible enough as myself to use it just time to time and not in a daily basis to kill as much neurons possible: as hard it is to believe the shortest road to happiness will happen AFTER our dependence to the substance. Maybe not after 7 or 10 days, but after realizing that it is possible to smile and laugh without relying on a dried dead plant.

Of course Jim Morrison and Jimi Hendrix proved you can be a successful pothead: until you are 27 that you are dead. 36 if you are Bob Marley.
"Video killed the Radio Store"? Mm, my song is called "Weedio killed my Love Story".

I ran into this site purely by accident this morning and I have spent the last few hours reading several hundred posts. I started smoking pot when I was 13. All of the effects described in relation to living in a fog apply to me. Although I have been told that I am "sweet man" numerous times in my live, I have never had a career, never held a job for more than a few years, and spent most of my life without having any friendships. I started a business in 07 and within 2 years I lost everything b/c I was to afraid to really give it any effort. I have felt like a loser all my life and in the last 5 years my usage finally caught up with me. So what have I done I that time? I smoked even more pot and drank like a fish. Self pity can be very distructive, please believe me on that statement. Basically, I have always just been an unhappy stoner, constantly thinking the whole world Is f-ed up. It's them not me. I tried rehab numerous times. Quit drinking numerous times and even had a 2 year stint of being completely sober. Still the fog never lifted and I would eventually use again just to get some relief.

Now I am 56 and dying of conjestive heart failure. With a little luck I have a few years left. In the mean time I am still waiting to get on the heart transplant list. Long story short, anxiety and stress will eventually kill if gone untreated. Duel diagnosis is just a rat race. Kind of like robbing Peter to pay Paul. I spent 43 years self medicating myself to near death. All because of a crazy desire to feel right about myself. I have a history of physical, emotional and abuse as a child and teenager and believe me, I used that excuse for decades to keep using. My truth is that none of that stuff really matters anymore.

The morale of the story is that I will struggle with my mortality, me decisions or lack there of, until I die. That being said, I know have a great understanding of the "simple" joys in life. I struggle with total abstinence even though my doctors tell me I will die sooner if I continue to use. I just tell what they want to hear to keep them off my back. The term chasing the buzz is not inacrrate as I can attest to but I have finally come to the conclusion that it is high time I quit beating the s@&t out of myself and enjoy the people and things around me. Believe me, if I could do it all over again I would have quit after that first joint 43 year ago.

In closing, I believe with all my heart that "total soberity" is actually the safest, funist and truly the best high anyone can obtain, unfortunately that is an experience I have only obtained for just a few fleeting moments in my life. I wish all of you the best in your quest. Stay safe and stay sober as much as you can and remember that stress and anxiety will eventually kill you if you let it!

Thomas

Hi all,

I found this forum and it's been great for refocusing me in the last two hours. I am 24 years old and have smoked every day since I was 15, usually a ten bag a day so 3-4 joints. I usually wait until after my mum and bros are asleep so I can hide it from them and I just smoke out of my window. I graduated from university last June with a 2:1 in law (managed to scrape a decent grade even though I was high all the time and never went to lectures etc) and started working at a law firm, I was really motivated to begin with but the work got tedious and I didnt like many of the people etc so it kind of took the wind out of my sails and I started smoking again after having quit for like 5 days, i convinced myself that I could still get high when everyone was asleep and be asleep in time to not be ****ed for the next day and for it to be noticable in work. Well, initially before I started going in after smoking the night before I was getting a lot of praise and encouragement, after I started smoking again I just got a lot more lazy in work and would just reddit etc and minimise effort as much as I could. I ended up leaving out of frustration for various reasons and I've now been unemployed for about 6 months, I have been telling everyone I have been applying when in reality its been very half asses and no real effort, even when my family and friends are trying to encourage me I just go along with it and get high at night. I buy a ten bag a day through pathetically asking my mum for money for cigarettes and then going to see my dad and telling him i have no money for cigs so he gives me 5-10 pound pretty much daily and i just gather enough between t he two of them to get 14 pounds a day to buy a ten bag and cigarettes. I intended to go into more detail about just how shameful my actions have been these last few months but thinking about it now i dont think its best as im trying to keep a level head. I'm sure you can imagine the kind of shit i did. I'm the oldest of my 3 brothers and live with my single mother and i have failed them so badly and only made all of their lives harder. I smoked all the way through uni and hardly ever went to a lecture or seminar in four years, i'm just lucky i'm quite capable all things considered and managed to scrape through. In a lot of ways that encouraged me as I convinced myself that if i can get a decent degree whilst never going into uni etc and just getting high for four years then it cant be that bad. I made a lot of good friends at uni but in my second year i kept smoking a lot and became more reclusive, depressed and anti social. I got a girlfriend in my 3rd year, she had just got her life properly back on track after messing with drugs etc for a while and I ended up turning our relationship into a 2 years weedfest and i just lived off her as her parents give her a lot of money etc so i just went along with it, her trying to please me and just going along with me and picking up a twenty bag a day and i just got worse tbh. I get EXTREMELY bored without weed, when i am high i can sit on my laptop for hours and just read/ watch stuff etc but when im not high i just cant do it, i just get to restless and almost scared and nervous at the prospect of not having weed that night. I've stolen from my poor mother on numerous occasions and she has just worked her whole life for her kids, she was never educated but has busted her ass off in whatever jobs she could to support us, she cant even read or write english and yet she grabbed life by the balls and managed to raise three boys and sadly I have only thrown that back in her face and made her life harder.

Anyway, I've got to the point now where I dont want my life to have been just about weed, i'm 24 now and i dont want to be in my 30's and looks back on my youth and know it was wasted doing that, i want my mum to be happy for once and to feel like all her effort paid off. I didnt smoke any yesterday and its now 2 30 am in the UK. I took five pounds from my mums purse earlier when everyone was upstairs and intended to sneak out to get some weed, but I thought about it and i put the money back. I feel like shit but it really has to be now or never, i've already compromised and ****ed so much because of this and i cant ever have a legal career if i'm high all the time and getting up at 3pm daily.

Reading through this forum has helped a lot, its been a little unnerving when people have made a big deal out of quitting an eighth a week habit as i just think omg i was smoking a tens a day to myself, it makes me feel like a very extreme case even for an addict. I'm so tired of 'one more night', i really am, i used to pick up and just feel bad even when smoking and then work myself up and convince myself that tomorrow i will start bla bla and its easy to say when i'm sat there high with half a bag left to smoke tonight.

So here I am, 9 years down the line and a mess, but I want to know what it feels like to have a real clear mind as I have never been clean since being an adult, i dont know what its like to wake up fresh and my mind be sharp etc. So fingers crossed I can do it this time, i've been reading game of thrones and playing a lot of starcraft 2 which helps to keep me busy but i've found starcraft is actually quite the trigger as after playing a game intensely for 40 minutes and losing etc i find i feel like a joint.

Thanks for all the stories i've seen on here anyway, its been good to see people who have smoked for decades and they are off it so i hope i can do it too.

/kal

Hi Folks,

We are terribly sorry to trouble you but here at Cannabis Quitter we have a slight favor to ask, don't worry it's nothing too bad and won't take much time, all it is if you have read a thread you like then may we be so bold to ask you to share it on another site possibly some sort of social media site like facebook or twitter or even another forum or blog, you can even use the share bar at the top of each thread. This will really help to boost the popularity of our site and help us to reach many more people who may be in need of our support, we sincerely thank and appreciate anyone who supports our community in this way. Good luck with all your recoveries, take care and keep being a Cannabis Quitter!

All the best, :)

[FONT=Comic Sans MS]hey folks,

just thought i'd introduce myself and firstly, thank you for the advice from reading the threads on this site. i'm on day 2 of my first attempt to quit this shit, and i'm up and down to be honest. one minute, i'm excited about the possibility of being free from my life of dependency of weed, the next minute, i think, f**k it, what better things are there to do, and consider just going to buy a 20 bag. i have been smoking since i was 16 and i'm forty in December. i spend over 200 pounds a month on grass, which equates to about 8gms a week in the UK. i've been signed off sick for 3 weeks due to stress at work, after having a couple of panic attacks on the way to my workplace. i work in sales and am really struggling to hit my targets. i'm not a very good salesman, but the stress, and the panic attacks, i think are down to my extensive smoking.

i love weed. i love the fact that it makes you not care about shit, and it numbs the monotony of a life of boredom, financial hardship, and loneliness. but i know that the things the weed relieves are created by smoking the stuff in the first place.

i'm skint, depressed, and feel like shit. i'm angry. i'm bored and i'm stuck in a massive rutt!! so here i am. on day 2 of my first real attempt to stop smoking. i'm already questioning my decision, and i feel nervous about what my life will be like if i dont have grass to fill the void.

i know its the right thing to do but it scares the life out of me to be honest. i've deleted my dealers numbers from my phone, and got rid of all my smoking parphanaelia, and i'm givin it a real go. although i'm not particularly confident that i'll be successful.

nevertheless, i've made a start, and i'm determined to quit the shit for good!!

i'll be back. hopefully with good news.

in the meantime, anyone going thru the same as me, you're not alone. i've read on other threads that it helps to write on this forum, so if you haven't registered, do so, and comment on other posts, or start your own. i already feel that there is support for me from all the folk on here. and that's a good feeling.

Peace!